garden woes

For the third time since moving to the current state, I have planted a garden: cucumbers, squash, tomatoes. We have grown these vegetables back in NY in pre-kid days. For the third time, squash-eating bugs have descended and consumed the vines. I got abundant leaves, beautiful flowers, and even some little zucchini growing. Then the caterpillars and burrowing bugs came and consumed the fruit overnight until only a pulpy mess remained. The stems keep holding out, producing more giant leaves, more flowers, giving me hope, but the insides are rotting. No fruit survives to maturity.

http://www.missouribotanicalgarden.org/Portals/0/
Gardening/Gardening%20Help/images/Pests/Pest2461.jpg

I keep thinking how planting and not reaping a harvest is a biblical curse. A lot of effort, care, maintenance goes into gardening, but a lot of it depends on Divine Providence. Zucchini squash produces only male flowers until it reaches a certain maturity, or the soil is moist enough, or there are enough sunny and rainy days in the precise combination. Most of the advice I got was wait and hope that the weather conditions will be just right for both flower genders to be produced.

Today I had enough of watching giant squash leaves take over the whole garden bed, not producing any fruit while sucking up resources from the soil. Their healthful appearance belied the vines that they grew on, sickly and rotting, consumed from within. I yanked them all out, giving more space and more sunlight to the basil, rosemary, and mint. The garden bed looked empty, while the compost pile seemed covered with lush green leaves as if thrown out by mistake. But I know that in order to plant successfully, you need to weed, and those rotting plants turned into unwanted weeds.

All of this seemed like a metaphor for what's going on in my life. So many things appear beautiful and appealing on the surface, healthy and beckoning, while rotting on the inside. They will never produce fruit, and one is better cutting them off than letting them fester.

I was told by the shul's executive board to either trust their leadership, or to seek utopian shul somewhere else. This was on the heels of being told that the shul is not liable for any wrongdoing legally (nothing happened on their premises), while the protection of children and members "not in the know" is not their concern. I was not even given an opening to discuss my concerns and wishes for the youth program. Funds are being allocated for learning. How it is conducted and what results it produces, and under which conditions is none of their business. It has to look right. When it is rotting from within and you expose that, you must be the troublemaker, because you just do not understand how much effort has been put into tending this garden.

Some gardeners will not have the strength to pull out the plants that have turned into weeds, seduced by their appearance. Some garden beds just need to be walked away from.

As for me, let me know where I can find an utopian shul that welcomes children, takes their safety seriously, and fosters women's learning.

two outdoor experiences

So we are unschooling, which probably causes more eye rolls: what are you teaching? What are they learning? And don't even dare complain how things might not be smooth and easy. Isn't all the pressure off?

This morning we were going to a community garden with homeschooling coop to learn about plants. The trip was supposedly geared towards younger kids, but it included the boys' age range, so I figured on taking the three olders.

The boys started up about not wanting to go about ten minutes before we had to leave the house. 9 yo was pointedly planning to spend the day playing DS, so he did not have a case. 7 yo had a more nebulous complaint. I was trying to get to the bottom of it, especially since we went to this place before, and there were chickens involved that he adores, and friends, so I sort of wanted to figure out why he is resisting, but I could not get that out of him.

So we went as we were. The boys quieted down in the car, and seemed fine once we arrived. They fed the chickens and gathered up for the class. 4 yo sat down with her friends. 9 yo and 7 yo sat next to each other. 7 yo came to me because he was worried about being stung by a wasp, but I said that it is too cold for the wasps to be out ( and hoped that it was true!) As the class went on, I was impressed with the level of info being introduced: plant parts, gymnosperms and angiosperms. It was all OK till 4 yo left the class to go dig in the sand pit, and the kids were handed out clipboards. Next thing I know, 7 yo is in tears. He has to write and he is not going to do it. I said that he doesn't have to. I said that I would help him. I tried asking him just to read what he has to write. But the child decided that he is bad at it, and he is not doing any of it. He did not write, we turned in an empty clipboard (I did it  quietly, without drawing attention). Moreover, for the next half an hour he refused to participate in any activity that the group was doing. Instead he spent his time crying and complaining how he wants to sit in the car and he didn't even want to go to this place in the first place. I was trying to talk to him in the sunshine on the corner bench, out of everyone's way, but he just needed a good wallow in his misery, and a good global misery it was! After listening, after talking, after trying to reason, after distracting, after deep breathing, he was still going at it. I ran out of patience. Glorious sunshine or not, this child had major clouds and he was spreading them around! I just told him that I am not interested any more, pulled out my phone and got engrossed. He moped for a minute, and went off to join the group. By this point they moved onto matching seeds to plants game and planting. Now he was happy as a clam, and I was left with his cloud of misery.

After the class, we drove home. The  boys each brought back radish seeds in a compostable pot. 7 yo said: "So you can eat radishes any time you want, mommy, cause you like them." Aww! Then his pot got knocked over because it was left next to a tether ball... and more anger and sadness followed.

I shut the door and called a play therapist that a friend recommended. Not reaching anyone, I left a message.

One of the deals of unschooling was that boys still continue doing chumash every day. I have done chumash with 9 yo in the morning, but not with 7 yo. Frankly, by this point, I was dreading it. He said that he wanted to do it after the baby went for a nap, and stalling was just fine with me. He ate lunch, played magic school with his sister, and I was quite surprised when he popped out of the sun room and asked when the baby is going to take that nap so we can do chumash?

I put the baby down, and he asked me to do it outside. He found his spot in the chumash, read and translated the previous pasuk, remembered the Rashi we did about the dots on top of "eilav". No, we are not doing Rashi inside, but he knows that Rashi answers a lot of the questions we might have and he actually wanted to know what Rashi had to say about those dots. He read the next pasuk, and translated it with some help. He knows what's coming next in the story and I think he finds it helpful, because it is easier to guess from the context what the words mean. He also instills his own drama into the proceedings: Sarah is about to laugh, they are about to tell them about Itzhak, tumm tumm. Overall, it was such a pleasant opportunity to sit out in the sunshine with this kid and hear him eagerly read...

Some days, I feel like I am crazy. I have this kid with this wide range of emotions, and they change so fast that often I catch myself still processing the last one when encountering a whole new wave. I do not want to be his therapist. I do not want to be always on guard. I do not want to be so flexible that I am negating all that I am feeling because my child is experiencing this, and I need to be in tune to this, otherwise, the whole world comes crashing down. In the parlance of Larry Cohen, I do not want to be a perpetual second chicken.

And I just want to experience sunshine.

a great day

Today was such a good day, that it would be a disservice not to share it. There were almost tantrums, and almost meltdowns, and, as I am typing this, my kitchen is a mess and I have not made anything for shabbos, and my husband is dealing with ectopic (translation: reinforcements not arriving any time soon), but the day was lovely.

We did schoolwork in the morning. 9 yo did division with remainders, a story from S'fateinu about Tu BShvat, mishna with his rebbi and chumash. We are reviewing Vayetze, and we are almost done. 7 yo did math (review of addition with regrouping), chumash (Bright Beginnings), spelling ( copy the names of seven types of fruit from Israel both in English and in Hebrew) and S'fateinu.

Then we had friends over for Tu B'Shvat party. The kids made pine cone bird feeders, planted parsley seeds for karpas to use on Pesach, made a few brachot and ate all different fruits. Mostly, they just played, hung out, and had a good time.


After the party was over, 4 yo got out the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning up. She was really trying, and even dragged it from room to room, looking for more things to vacuum. I praised her efforts, even though I knew that I will have to sweep up later. I learned that this sense of doing something useful is more important than critiquing a final result. She will have the rest of her life to learn how to vacuum properly. Now she is learning that vacuuming is fun.











Then the baby went for a nap and I made chocolate chip cookies with 7 yo. He has been asking me for a long time to cook something with him, but every time something came up. Yesterday, when he asked to make a dessert together, I decided to commit firmly. I did not allow other kids join him unless he was interested. Onto the shabbos menu went the cookies. So when it was finally quiet, it was cookie-making time.

This boy really did everything by himself. He read the recipe, collected the necessary ingredients, found measuring cups and spoons and followed the steps. I did not help unless I was asked, and that happened rarely. I helped with the flour, but mostly I kept my mouth shut and just watched. He cracked the eggs. I did not say anything when one of them missed the mixing bowl. He cheerfully cleaned it up and got another. He figured out that three teaspoons make a tablespoon. He molded the first batch, called the beater for licking, and I just marveled at how much he knows about cooking. My 9 yo is still not sure where I keep everything in the kitchen, but this kid knows his way around.

When I saw him reading later on, I gently reminded about Read to Succeed, and how he might want to keep track. He dissolved on the spot: I do not want to go to Six Flags, I cannot read for 6 hours, I cannot write this all down... I calmly suggested keeping track of how long he is reading now, and just write down this little bit. It turned out that he read for 40 minutes (I let him do the calculations), and he had no issues writing this down.

For dinner I had a crockpot stew with quinoa and kale chips. These tend to be touch-and-go, but everyone found some part of dinner that they liked.

After everyone got into pajamas, I sent 7 yo and 4 yo downstairs to clean up the basement. I heard the vacuum cleaner go on, and when they came up, they said it looked good. I reviewed mishna with 9 yo.  Then I put the baby down for the night.

They boys asked to sew. 9 yo saw a design for kimono in one of his history-comes-alive books, so he has been after me to make one. I suggested that he starts with making a doll-sized one, but he was not having it. This time I said that we will start with sewing on a button. It's a skill worth having even if he kimono ambitions do not actualize. I found old shirts of mine and I was planning to cut them into scraps for each kid, when they called the sleeves. I cut the sleeves off and then the boys said that they will sew on the buttons as eyes. Everyone was able to thread their needle. I had to make the knots for them. I showed each one how to sew on a button, and how to make a stem under it. They both sewed on two, and then sewed the ends of the sleeve shut. 7 yo, while sewing said that this is what he wants to learn how to do: to sew and to cook. I have a budding "husband of the year." But the real secret is that my husband sews and cooks, so my boys do not see it as woman's work. 4 yo picked out her buttons, and I sewed them onto her sleeve. It was idyllic, almost out of scene: kids sitting around the table, busily sewing...

When they finished, they showed off their sleeve puppets. All of a sudden they turned into sleeve eels.

Next thing I know, they are night caps.

Relaxed schooling

I have not posted much because last week everyone took turns being sick, and then we have been out and about as much as we can before the baby comes. So this is a photoblog of some of the things we have been busy with.

We finally sprouted some seeds, almost a month after Tu B'Shevat. The kids wrote the labels, put the seeds into the right compartments, and observed them for a week. They were upset when I did not let them plant the seedlings outside, but we still get frosts here. 

We went to the park to ride bikes. The oldest brought my adult-sized scooter, that my friends got for me in college, and mastered it. 3 yo finally learned to pedal on her tricycle. One of the biggest regrets about the area where I live is that you have to drive to the park, it would be over an hour walk, with crossing a major street. There is no sidewalk on our street, and our driveway slopes downward, so the kids have to be taken places to ride their bikes. The boys also got to wing with abandon, and 3 you finally decided that she's ready for a big-kid swing.

Since we do not follow a school calendar, we were able to have some friends over for President's day, who were off. The boys still had a list of scheduled things to do, but they did them quickly, since they wanted to spend more time with their friends. It worked out nicely for me, since I could focus on one boy at a time, while the other one played. Here is the whole gang, eating lunch. The secret to easy set-up and clean-up: paper goods and get everyone to pitch in.

It was also the last day of the Great Backyard Bird count. I printed out a tally sheet, explained to everyone what we are doing, and they went outside to bird watch. There was a record keeper, bird spotters, time keeper, crumb thrower, and whichever other positions they came up with.

One morning I woke up to 8 yo and 3 yo making bridges out of card stock. They were using Polly houses to test out their strength. They made a reinforced arch and strong triangle bridges, then they doubled up cardstock to see what happens and what kind of load it could take.

Yesterday, after coop classes we went to the zoo. The kids asked for the reptile house and the pandas. They finally spotted the king cobra, which previously had been hiding in one of the pipes in its exhibit. There is so much to b said for getting memberships to zoos and museums and coming there every couple weeks, so that small changes can be observed and whichever concepts are learned can be reinforced. 6 yo learned how to read by looking at the exhibit signs. That works well if I take time to read those exhibit signs, even if it is for the fiftieth time and I know them by heart!

In the Story of the World, where we slacked off for a bit, we finally came to the wars of the Greeks. One of the suggested projects was soap carving, to make Greek statues. The boys tried their best, but followed their hearts. 8 yo carved two fish, an Olmec head and a self-portrait. 6 yo carved two faces, schematically, after some crying that he is no good at carving.

Today we went to the Puppet Theater. The show was good, and there is also museum and a build-a-puppet workshop. The kids made lighting bugs. The presenter first asked about some facts about bugs, and 8 yo raised his hand and explained how the chemical reaction takes place inside by mixing two chemicals, and how bugs use it to find mates. Then there were detailed instructions on building a puppet and optional participation in putting a show together. They boys were on the team with two other kids. They worked out who will say what, and then presented it to the audience. 3 yo built her puppet with some help from me, and then went buzzing around the room, tagging other people. 

3 yo buzzing 

her own monster

reading about different kinds of puppets

In the news without photos, since we were stuck home last week, we were able to crack quite a bit of megillah with 8 yo. I offered a siyum in Lego land (his dream) if he finishes the whole thing. Being at home allowed us to do a perek a day. Today he declared that he wants to finish it up. The only problem: we did not get home from the puppet show till one, and, with lunch, did not get to schoolwork till 2. And we had the last three perakim to go, of which two are really long. He sat at it for over hours, and we got a perek and a half down. He reads the Hebrew and translates, with some help from me. I am quite proud of his skills and his perseverance.

mishkan building

We did something crazy last night. My husband was home before dinner. I cannot recall last time THAT happened. In honor of Rosh Chodesh, we went out for pizza. Note to self: we cannot order just one pie any more. The kids clamored for soda/dessert/french fries. My husband suggested Krispy Kreme, which was met with great enthusiasm. As we were heading out, we noticed a thin sliver of a new moon and I remembered that a local science museum/observatory has open telescope on Thursday nights. Before, it was never a possibility: kids are too young, 7 yo has school early the next day, what about toddler, etc. But I thought and realized that the answer is: why not? It is literally 15 minutes from our house; if kids get cranky, we can head home and nobody has to wake up early the next morning.

The kids were beyond thrilled by the possibility. Well, by the time we got there, clouds rolled in. The telescope was not going to open till 9, and they were not sure whether the clouds would prevent viewing or not. They have nice free exhibits, on space and reptiles in addition to some dinosaurs and a bee hive. The boys explored those and 2 yo walked everywhere, looking at birds. Even though we did not get to use the telescope, it was a nice late outing.

This morning everyone slept in. 7 yo and 2 yo woke up by 7:30 and 5 yo slept in till after 9. So the morning got off to slow start. I consciously made effort last night not to overschedule erev shabbos. I decided to focus on the parsha. So I told 7 yo that we will learn it and build a mishkan out of legos. I also told him we will do chumash, read megillah, plant seeds and decorate our door for Adar (this joke was well received). He could not wait to get started and I kept holding him back, as I wanted to teach parsha only once, and 5 yo was still getting his sleepies out.

7 yo read the Megillah ( in English) and then said he is ready for Hagaddah. He got one down and started reading.

Then we started on the parshah. Since we were doing measurements, I figured why not measure out in real life how big everything in the mishkan was. We assumed that one ama is two feet. The boys liked using yardstick and measuring tape. I was blown away by the size of the objects. When you read that the planks were 10 amot and picture 20 feet, it is not the same as having to rearrange living room furniture to measure out 20 feet on the floor and then adding in width. 7 yo was obsessed with finding the perimeter of the aron, so we got math in too.

Then I got boys to clean up downstairs, so they can get all legos out to build a mishkan. 5 yo suggested using yellow for gold. 7 yo ended up doing all the building. I also had cut and paste page, with placing appropriate objects in various areas of the mishkan. That was more to 5 yo's liking. 7 yo drew a couple diagrams of where everything was, he likes making maps and charts.

After lunch, 2 yo went for a nap and we did chumash. Yesterday's pesukim went smoothly and today the only new word was sulfur. I googled it, to show what was raining down. Then he drew a small picture and asked to play computer games. I sent him downstairs and sat down to Yesh Lanu Lama. 5 yo wanted to know why can't play. I said that we need to do some work. He could do it, but tummy aches started again. I said that once he's done, we'll be doing a science experiment. That motivated him enough.

Then we planted seeds in egg cartons, one with closed lid and one with open lid. I gave them pinto beans and corn kernels. I asked them which ones they thought would sprout first. They said, the open ones. We'll keep our eyes open. Then they ran all over the yard, planting surplus seeds. This will not produce nice lawn...

Now the boys are coloring in parsha sheets. 7 yo pulled out 39 Melachot book to look up the color of "griffins" on the curtains.

Shabbat Shalom!