A day trip to Chattanooga aquarium

I had all the kids home with me last week. We were talking about different things to do and Chattanooga Aquarium came up. We have been there once, almost four years ago, and I have much fonder memories of it than of our local overpriced and super-commercialized aquarium.

So this morning I woke up (after the baby has been sleeping through the night for the past week) and when one of the boys asked whether we can drive to Chattanooga today, I said: "Why not?" And just like that, we had breakfast, packed up lunch and a diaper bag, and set out. By "we" I mean myself and five kids. My husband had to work. I joked with him how I really need to go to farmer's market and Costco this week, but I much rather drive to an aquarium two hours away that go through the store with my crew.

On the way there, we finished listening to "The Dragon Rider" by Cornelia Funke. We started on the way to and from the homeschool conference, but since we have to intersperse music for the younger kids, books on CDs take a while. 3 yo's new favorite CD is Frog Trouble by Sandra Boynton, another library find. At least Sandra Boynton CDs are not annoying when played frequently, something that I can't say about Raffi or Wiggles.

I brought an umbrella stroller for the baby, a backpack cooler with lunch for 12 yo to carry, and a diaper bag. When we got to Chattanooga, we had lunch first and then entered the first building of the aquarium. I kept on thinking about the gorilla incident and the angry chorus how animals should not be displayed. And then I saw how much my younger kids, 6 yo and 3 yo, who have not been to the zoo in the past year, or any other place with animal exposure, picked up from seeing live birds, fish, and mammals. How can one teach a 3 yo to be brave enough to plunge his hand into cold water and pet a stingray? How can I give my daughter the experience of discovery that stingray feels like jello and she can reach in and touch it? How can they learn what a butterfly walking across one's face feels like? How else my 3 yo will discover excitedly that penguins "fly" underwater? That he can use two fingers to feel the scales of a cornsnake?

We had a great time. Nobody ran off, nobody got lost, nobody cried. 3 yo even didn't have any accidents, and the baby stayed awake and relatively happy the whole time. And I kept thinking: this is what a good homeschooling day feels like. This is what I love doing with my wild and crazy bunch: drive them to a cool place, get all excited about it, see them get all excited, and watch as they ask each other about what they liked the most. 

Before we headed back, the kids asked about Ben and Jerry's corner store right next to the parking garage. I said that I will take a look at their prices. When you have five kids, getting everyone a scoop gets expensive very quickly, not to mention that we already spent money on gas and parking and admission (technically membership since I am planning to get there again). When I ducked into the store ( more accurately, as we spilled into the store) and I saw their prices, I felt ready to leave. Enter 12 yo, the rationalist: "If I split a cup with my brother, and sister splits a cup with 3 yo and you get a small cup for yourself, it is much cheaper than getting everyone a scoop". "Yes, we all all ready to share". Ok then, The older boys ordered their cup, but 3 yo, spoiled by getting his own (free) baby cone at local Bruster's was not inclined to share. So he dropped on the floor, kicking and screaming that he wants his own. The beauty of having so many kids is that it is no longer mortifying. I knew that either he will stop yelling soon and chooses to share, or he will continue yelling and I will take him outside the store without ice cream. Knowing this child, I was betting on the first. Sorry, patrons, but I had to pay for our treat. By the time I paid, he calmed down and chose to sit next to his sister.

We finished our scoops, got in the car, and drove back home.

May I be known as a mom with a messy house and without groceries, but the one who took her kids places that generated happiness.

closing time

On Friday I took both boys for their annual check-up. I had to beg the pediatrician to fit us in between their actual birthdays and before this baby, as they do not schedule three appointments at the same time. 11 yo needed shots, so the insurance would not cover a visit before his actual birthday. I ended up taking them on Friday afternoon.

Between my dear friend and my MIL, I did not have to bring all four kids with me, so I assumed the appointment will be a piece of cake. The pediatrician is located not far from the taekwondo studio, so maybe we would even make it to a Friday afternoon class, in the spirit of trying to get in as many classes before the baby as possible. I told boys to pack up their uniforms and gear and load up.

When we were being taken in by a nurse, 11 yo asked right off the bat whether there are any shots in store. He was told that there are going to be two, and he took that info in stride. Then 9 yo timidly inquired whether he is getting any shots. He was reassured that there will be none, and he visibly exhaled. Then, as the nurse was finishing inputting their measurements, she said how 9 yo will need a finger stick to measure his cholesterol, but it is not a big deal.

It turned out to be a big deal. For a child with anxiety, being told something new like this was a big deal. He immediately kicked into full panic mode: crying, screaming, begging not to be pricked, asking why he deserves this, etc. It took three nurses to hold him down to get that prick. By this point, 11 yo was starting to lose his cool, so be stepped out. I was trying to talk to 9 yo, and I even asked the nurses to back off, to give him on minute to decide which hand will get pricked, but he was too far gone. I remained calm for as long as I could, but when he started trying to kick the nurses, I firmly said that he cannot do that. Meanwhile, the nurses invoked: "Don't upset your pregnant momma" mantra which I really wished they didn't. At the end, he was left sniffling and screaming, huddling on a chair, waiting for a doctor.

11 yo hopped onto an exam table, and mumbled something about losing his resolve to stay calm for his shots. He tried lightening the mood in the room by clowning around a bit. The rest of the appointment was unremarkable, and 9 yo cooperated with the doctor just fine. Then those shots came. By the time the nurse told 11 yo to relax and stuck him, he went into hysterical giggling: "It didn't hurt! It didn't hurt!" He was laughing, but there were tears in his eyes. Clearly, he had had enough emotions and they were spilling out.

When we checked out, there were only ten minutes left till taekwondo, so I asked boys whether they wanted to rush it. Both of them shook their heads "no", so we hit the ice cream store instead. Ever since the kids were vey little, I promised ice cream for those doctor appointments which involved shots. It was a nice way to end a possible nerve-wrecking outing, and it left a taste of something sweet. I did not promise such a treat to boys apriori, but, after what we've all been through, it seemed fitting.

It was raining, and it has been raining for the whole week. The ice cream place is outdoors, but they have a small canopy. Everyone ordered a scoop, and we stood there, silently eating our cones and looking out into the rain.

It was the zen moment of the day. 9 yo finally relaxed. 11 yo was rendered speechless, just savoring his cone and standing there. I was thinking of what my life would be like if I only had to take care of a 9 yo and 11 yo, instead of catering to much smaller creatures. I was enjoying this moment of knowing that everyone near me is relaxed, content and thankful for the treat (both boys thanked me, easing into gratitude).

The speaker above us pumped in "Closing Time" by Semisonic. How fitting: I have heard this song numerous times, but never paid very close attention to the words, assuming it is all about being kicked out of a bar. Recently, I have seen a little tidbit floating around, saying that the song is really about impending parenthood, and the ambivalent feelings that come with it. Now I was really listening.

I am in my last weeks pregnancy, yet I feel strangely unsettled. I can't put a finger on it: what is that project, that nesting activity that I need to complete in order to feel ready and prepared for this baby? It is not a matter of finding a trusting practitioner, or getting labor support. It is not a matter of a doula. It is not a matter of getting baby things set up. I have all of that in place, or close enough. It is a hang-up in my brain, keeping me from being ready.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

As we were looking into the rain, my two older boys and I, I had this strong feeling how this might be the last Shabbos that I am having with just four kids. This baby is a new life, a new beginning, yet, it is also an end of an era. It is the end of "four kid" stage. It might sound funny to those who have one or two kids: does it really make any difference whether there are four kids or five? Isn't four already in the slightly crazy, big family category? Besides, the youngest is only two, so this "four kid" stage only lasted for a short while. Yet, in my head, four was within some grander logical scheme, and five is beyond that. Five is a whole next step. Five is where I cannot keep them all at home. Five is where we do not fit into any sedan, no matter how we contort ourselves. Five does not fit around a standard table. Five is this new area, which does not fold into itself neatly. It is a prime number, it is a star.

"Every new beginning come from some other beginning's end."

My last surviving grandmother is on her last breath. My mother is with her, and it is also an end of an era. It's the end of my grandparents, it is the end of my kids being blessed with having seen their great grandmother. We visited her in the summer, but she has long joined the dementia world of endless summer, or endless dark, so it was not a coherent visit.It was a long good-bye, drawn out over many moons, many years. Now, as a great grandchild is about to take a first breath, a generation is taking its last. The interplay of grief/relief/joy, the end juxtaposed with a beginning.

We finished our ice creams and came home to the usual hustle and bustle of a four kid household in preparation for Shabbos. "You don't have to go, but you can't stay here."

diving into books

I got up early and worked out. By the time I got home, the kids were all up, but nobody was in the mood to get dressed or have breakfast. Eventually, they did get dressed. My husband was home, so he regaled with Greek myths. 7 yo read a few of those, so they had a lively discussion.

Davening did not go so well, lots of running around and chasing each other. Then the oldest went to do Rosetta Stone, while 5 yo picked handwriting. Today's letter was i, he claimed he already knew how to write it, so we skipped to e. Now e is a big deal, as he realizes that once he can do e, he can also write shin. HTW uses baseball example to teach e, so he loves "running around the bases", making the curve part. I hope he remembers it. Then he picked megillah. I read to him probably 7 perakim in English, stopping every once in a while to make sure he understands. 2 yo walked around, sat on my lap, sat next to us, etc. She is definitely getting unschooled here.

Then the boys switched. 7 yo asked to do math first. We finished up length and I explained why there are metric and customary units. He is eager to do multiplication, so I printed out some pages from teacher's corner, setting one of the factors less than 6. He did it in a flash ( thanks to Schoolhouse Rock). Now I have to check whether he knows higher numbers.

Then he did arranging sentences from the megillah. I found this activity on http://chinuch.org/ I explained how the sentences will be formed and he dove right in, making sentences. 5 yo finished up and came up to help at this point. 2 yo kept moving the cards around, but at the end, they did form all possible sentences.

Then we went for ice cream and the library. It feels giddy to be able to take your kids for ice cream at 11 am and not to worry about school or crowds or lunch, and just enjoy it. Afterwards, we got to the library. Mercifully, they had a toddler class that morning, so my 2 yo was not the only one running around. 7 yo found Encyclopedia Brown and got lost inside. 5 yo  scanned shelves. I was trying to find books for the toddler group tomorrow. Then everyone helped my check out. When we got home, the boys just pulled out their books and were not heard from again for a while. I keep on forgetting that on the days we go to the library, I will have to distract them from new books to get anything done.

Later, much later, we did finish formal school work. 7 yo read 7 more pesukim from the megillah, did his spelling and another page of Lashon HaTorah. 5 yo learned tzadi sofit, which he called a lamed carrying a pretzel. He even drew a house for tzadi sofit--somehow this pretzel letter moved him. In Yesh Lanu Lama, we read the next page. Then we did math, even and odd numbers. 

All of this was finished by 3 pm. Then the boys watched "Alice in Wonderland" from 1915. I had to explain about black-and-white silent movies and how music came separately. I also realized that reading captions ( I do not know what is the proper name for those flashes of story in between) is good reading practice for 5 yo. They were quite drawn in.

After Alice, 7 yo went back to reading something or other. 5 yo checked on his beans and noted their roots. Then he wanted to make masks, something that I wrote down in optional section. I made an eye mask for 2 yo; he wanted a full face mask. I ended up drawing the shape fro him, with eyes and mouth, he cut it out and wrote ninja on it ( hehe, spontaneous writing). Then he decided he wants eye mask after all, so more cutting and coloring.

After dinner, 7 yo made a mask too. I am discovering that what I thought was itty-bitty bullying problem as probably larger than I thought. Last year, he dressed up as Batman for dress-up day ion school. From that day on, a certain girl teased him, calling him Batman, even though he did not like it. He sort of brought that up, but never in a way that warranted action. Now, with this new mask, he tells me that she cannot tease him, because sometimes he's a ninja, and sometimes he's a ferocious beast. Now that he's home, he hasn't seen her in weeks, yet he's still concerned. Hm, how do those itty-bitty bullying problems affect people?

home economics

Today was co-op Wednesday. I was out of ideas for things to do with toddlers and we haven't made it to the library to restock on books, so late last night I kept mulling over: cats? dinosaurs? sheep? I settled on faces and printed out some without eyes, figuring we can add sticker eyes and draw hair.

A lot of people were out today, so it was a pretty quiet time. I ended up catching up a bit with a friend of mine and now we have a whole shabbos lunch planned out and another chance at grown-up conversation.

7 yo did clock series in art: he drew pictures of analog and digital clocks, hourglass and sundial. He said that he was influenced by Catlanta(?), some bizarre artists who is still alive and works locally. I think he was amazed that artists could be contemporary, not just dead people.

5 yo came out of his art with Eye of G-d project. It is basically two sticks crossed over, tied with multiple strands of colored yarn. He said it's called eye of G-d in Mexican language. I am staring  at this thing and hoping it is not a cross that my child has been working on... I googled it later, it's not that bad, but will probably be quietly disposed of in the next couple of days.

On the way home, the boys started haggling over the price of sitting in the back seat, where 7 yo sits now. ( I have five car seats in the car now for carpool, so certain spots are off limits and certain others are valuable). He was trying to sell the rights to his seat. We used to have a rule that nothing could be bought or sold, since the older always took advantage of the younger. This time, I bit my tongue and wanted to see where all of this went. At some point, 7 yo was selling his seat for 2 years for all of 5 yo's allowance, which is upward of 20$.
5 yo: But then I will have no money. So you want me to be poor?
7 yo: It's not that I want you to be poor, I want to be rich.
Thinking a bit: How about I pay you back a bit? I can give you a penny every day.
5 yo: And I get to sit in the back? It's a deal!
As we got home, I told boys I will have to think whether this is fair.

We came home and had lunch. Everyone asked for bagels, got their own plates and cleaned up. 2 yo went for a nap. The boys did Rosetta Stone. 5 yo did handwriting and ketiva. I wanted to focus more on lameds, he wanted to move on to pei sofit. To my amazement, he got it.

7 yo asked for spelling, he said it is his favorite. He was a bit discouraged, as he got three words wrong today. One of them was "yelled", he forgot one l. The he tried squeezing it in. Then he blacked out the whole word. I told him that nobody will see his writing, it is only for him to see which words he knows and which need more study. We pulled out a tray of rice for tracing today; as I expected, it was a hit. Then the imagination took over, the boys wanted to add water to it and mold it. That was out of my comfort zone. 5 yo also wanted to trace words in it.

Then the boys did math. 7 yo worked on feet and yards. I was glad that we had a yardstick, because even though he told me that there are three feet in a yard, he could not figure out how many yards are in 4 feet. 5 yo worked more on 2nd grade math. I find it amusing. I get the point of not wasting time on trying to teach kids concepts which are way above their heads. I get the point of waiting and teaching later, but going through the material quicker rather than stretching it out. I get the idea of challenging and prodding out of comfort zone. But the idea of a reluctant child doing math two levels above with ease and WANTING to do it... either this is his strong area and he does not feel that he's being challenged, or I am missing the forces at play. To please mommy? To prove me wrong?

Then there was chumash. I asked 7 yo whether he wanted to start with it. He declined. When we finally got there, 2 yo woke up screaming. She only wanted to pee downstairs. I did not want to take her there. She was screaming, I was impatient, 5 yo was running around. And I was trying to get 7 yo to read Vaeyra. Now it all sounds ridiculous. 7 yo finally broke the impasse by taking her to the downstairs bathroom. We did two more pesukim. In the pshat, it should be Lot talking to the malachim, but it says "vayomer", "and he said". I was waiting for him to ask the obvious, "who is he?" but he did not. I bit my tongue. Maybe it's time for another review sheet of mi amar al mi to refocus. I am realizing that even at our leisurely pace of two pesukim a day, we will be doing 12-14 pesukim a week.

5 yo read a new section from Lama.

Then we headed out to redeem Ace Hardware groupon by buying a new alarm clock for the boys. The old one got destroyed during the sleepover and not knowing what time to wake up is a major concern for the 7 yo. Before we got to the store, the boys asked if they can get some tchochke toys and I said: we'll see. When we got to the alarm clocks, 7 yo quickly calculated that if we buy a cheaper one, the chances for him to get a toy are higher. Then the boys went to check out the bargain section while I loaded on some potting soil. Our total came up exactly to groupon. The boys got LED flashlight rings. As we got to the car, 7 yo discovered that his does not work. I gave him the receipt and told to ask for a replacement. He marched in and very politely did just that. Till now, he usually claimed to be too shy in such situations.

Then we walked to Office Depot to laminate some Purim stuff. 7 yo was surprised that we walked there and did  not drive. The boys hung out nicely, exploring nooks and crannies of the shelves while the clerk was fighting the laminating machine which kept sucking in empty plastic sleeves.

We had milchig tacos for dinner. 7 yo first retold the story of an emperor without clothes.Then he made up a lengthy story about how the cheetah got its speed, Kipling style. He mixed in the African legend of tear marks on cheetah's eyes, but the rest was quite original. After dinner,7 yo sulked a bit since he wanted Bruster's for dessert and kind of mentioned it in the car this morning. I used my standard "we'll see" and 5 yo piped in from Winnie the Pooh: you always see, but nothing comes out of it. I guess that's true. "We'll see" buys me time and allows to explore how I feel on the issue. Sometimes the answer is "yes", I just did not consider it. And even if the answer is "no", it is gentler after I put some thought into it instead of knee-jerk response. At the end, the boys got Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, with whipped cream, syrup and sprinkles.

Then it was haircut time. The boys needed it. I usually cut their hair at home, but every once in a while, I will take them to get professionally straightened out. This was at home job. They knew that we will be getting pizza tomorrow for Rosh Chodesh, and I explained before that every time they get a barber haircut, that's one less pizza to eat out. While monetarily this is worth it, effort-wise it is a bit crazy, since I have to keep three kids  out of a pile of hair and stick them straight into shower... but for me, that is one less dinner to cook, serve and clean up after!