hamantash baking

Yesterday we got together with a few other families to bake hamantashen, make groggers and watch a Purim movie. That was the explicit purpose of the get-together. If I would be held accountable by how many of these goals were achieved by my kids, we would score quite poorly: 9 yo is the only one who successfully participated in all the activities and had something to show in the end (a grogger and hamantashen).

When we got there, there was a dog in the house. 4 yo is very afraid of dogs, so she would not go out back with the other kids as long as the dog was on the deck. I did not want 1 yo crawling on the deck with the dog either, so I did not really help out the boys. 9 yo started on grogger making with decorating his container. 7 yo had hard time squeezing glitter paint, then he saw a little clown that 9 yo made on the lid of his grogger, got frustrated that he can NEVER make a clown like that, and just stomped off into the backyard. He climbed on everything: the top of the sand box, the grill, the outer railing of the deck. Then he went inside, to play with Perplexus, read and make balloon animals.

Meanwhile the dog was brought into the house, 4 yo came outside, 9 yo followed the crowd to roll and fill hamantashen. I finally put the baby down, who made a beeline for the steps up the deck and the plastic slide. Oh, and the opening in the deck railing, second-floor height. I ended up watching and following him rather than helping 4 yo with her grogger. She made a half-hearted attempt to make one, but she was more interested in all the bikes and scooters on the deck. She tried out a scooter and a tricycle, but what really caught her eye was a bike with training wheels. She got onto the seat, and, with a little push, was able to pedal. There was not a whole lot of space, and the seat was a bit too high for her, but she spent a nice chunk of time practicing riding the bike.

I asked her whether she wanted to make hamantashen, but she was too engrossed in her new skill. I asked 7 yo if he wanted to make them, but he said no.

At the end, the kids did watch a Purim movie together (Megilat Lester and I heard good things about it).

When it was time to leave, 4 yo was ready to make hamantashen. Luckily there was one more piece of dough left, so she made two, and her friend shared one of hers to eat, so we did not have to wait for 4 yo's hamantash to be baked.

Was this a success? Was this a failure? Did we have good time? Did we learn anything?

Now I know that 4 yo is ready for a big bike. I know to bring some books for 7 yo to keep him busy, and that he is very much OK doing something different from the rest of the crowd. We also made some hamantashen on Friday at home, and he had hard time lining up the sides and pinching them, so we ended up with hamantash tacos and burritos. That might have been the extent of his desire to make hamantashen. We also had a really pleasant time walking to and from the house.

Maybe when the kids are not meeting educational objectives, the trouble is with the objectives, and not with the kids. I need to spend more time looking at the big overall picture rather than just a particular activity.

Money management

Today was another day when I scheduled too much.

After we davened, I asked 7 yo whether we should start with chumash. He said, yes. I wrote a bunch of mi amar el mi, he answered them quickly. Two were wrong. When I asked him to look them up, he just tried guessing. I asked him to open the chumash and look inside. He started moping and claiming that he did not want to do chumash. I said that we'll review and then do two pesukim and they are short. After more hesitation, he found them. Then I asked to review pesukim from yesterday. More resistance. I sort of brought up the "vayomer" issue. He said that it is probably just one mal'ach talking. I said that it could be someone in charge of overturning the plain. His eyes lit up. Then we did new pesukim. I explained Tzoar according to Rashi. He drew a map illustrating where Lot was going.

Then we went to Costco. The boys brought their allowance. Inside the store I insisted that boys walk together. I have a juicy story of 5 yo running away and hiding behind canoes and me having to alert workers to find him. ( FYI, Costco, does not do a floor page for anything, so try not to lose your kids there). They did stay together. They could not find toy section, the gift-giving season being over. I got my items and the boys showed up with: kite for 5 yo and sand play kit for 7 yo.

My policy on allowance is that I give it to you weekly, you give tzedakah and the rest is for you to do as you wish. I do not buy them toys. I do not buy them soda. I do not remind them to bring their allowance, but I do not manage how they spend it. I think it is better to learn money management this way than wait till you are older and the mistakes that you make are much larger. I went away for high school and was faced with the problem of managing very limited money without being able to work. Growing up, whenever I was gifted any money, it went to my parents. Needless to say, there was a sharp learning curve and I am naturally tight-fisted. It takes a lot for me not say anything when I see kids choosing to spend their money recklessly, but I am hoping that some recklessness now will help bigger lessons to sink in in the long run.

So they got their toys. They also got chips and cookies from the vending machine ( their money). On the way over and back, we listened to Purim music. I explained mishenichnas Adar, marbim besimcha. Then there was layehudim haita ora. I asked boys to guess when we say this. They seemed confused. I said that daddy says this every week. 5 yo guessed havdalah. Then he asked whether driving up to NY is going north. I confirmed. Then we discussed how NY is really to the north-east, while Toronto, where we went last summer, is truly north. 7 yo piped in that Lake Ontario is in the way of going straight north. Then he went on about which lake borders which state. This kid enjoys poring over maps, tracing rivers, studying borders, the sort of creative activities that I would like him to do, only he comes up with them on his own. The results stick better, too.

When we got home, they helped me unload the car. I got a large platter of macaroons for Pesach, but 2 yo picked it up awkwardly and half of them became squirrel food.

Then I was rushing through formal schoolwork, hoping to get to Adar project. It did not go so well. At some point, 7 yo did finish planned activities. Then he suggested using rice in his sand kit. I hesitantly agreed. He happily played with it. Creative thinking, out-of-the-box thinking, we got that. But that creativity produced quite a mess.

By clean-up time, it did not look so good. He felt that other kids made more mess. He did not do a good job sweeping spilled rice and then sulked. He talked about losing his temper. At some point, I lost mine and sent him to his room. After some minutes passed, he asked for a dictionary. I told he can get it, unsure what was his plan. A few minutes later, he told me that he looked up "temper" and now he's sorry, because he did not realize how bad it was what he was saying. I like to see internal guilt, instead of external pressure to improve behavior.

Looking forward to Rosh Chodesh pizza dinner.