Torah Home Educators Conference

I would have written a review, but a good friend of mine and an exceptional homeschool momma wrote up a great one. Her blog follows her unschooling journey.

With her kind permission, here is the link:

http://homeschoolchumash.blogspot.com/2016/05/torah-home-education-conference-2016.html

I should add that there was very good childcare, which gave me peace of mind both for my presentation and for the rest of the conference.

After the conference, there was a Mom's night out, which I needed like air. We actually stayed that extra night just so I could go out. And I discovered that despite having spent the whole day being social, talking to strangers, and networking (activities that I like only in small doses), I did not mind hanging out with strangers some more. There were chair massages in a candlelit room. There was a tichel sale, where I acquired a gorgeous sari wrap and was shown how to wrap it. There was a Pampered Chef presentation and a giveaway. Now I'm a proud owner of a spiralizer. There was a chessed project of making non-skid socks for hospital patients. There was an artist's corner with canvasses, acrylic pain0,t and masking tape design suggestions. I have not painted since before the baby was born. There were wine and yummy pastries. And there was casual conversation. It was nice to get out.

So if you are at all on the fence whether to attend a conference in the future, come. You will walk away with something new.

post-Pesach

seder table
5:30 erev pesach

My older boys were born right around Pesach. 3 yo was born three weeks before Pesach, and the baby (who just turned one), was born a week after Pesach, which, this year, fell out on Pesach. My line used to be that Pesach is my favorite holiday. I like the challenges of new cooking, I look forward to kids' birthdays and recalling each crazy year, I like many days of Yom Tov when I can change the routine and sit down instead of feeling that I need to accomplish something or other. Usually, I do have a bit of a pre-Pesach freak-out, but it all comes together by Yom Tov, when the kitchen is turned over, the house is chametz-free, and all grocery store runs have been completed. We do our own seder since there is always a small child who needs to go to sleep before we ever start, and I fret about making it meaningful, yet somebody always comes up with some insight out of the left field, making the Yom Tov enjoyable.

seder table
6:30 erev pesach
Kids have to eat

This year, Pesach was just not coming together. I have a Pesach kitchen in this house, precisely because I always make Pesach, but it was still not working out. The bathroom next to the Pesach kitchen had to be repaired. Despite having a full year, the project was completed just three weeks before Pesach. I tried getting an early start on baking by making meringues which I adore, but they flopped. And I could not get enough motivation/anxiety to clean out chametz. Did I mention that we hold by not selling chametz, so we have to actually remove it? Days were ticking off, time was getting close, and I was still in a funk.

Then it dawned on me: what's harder than having a Pesach baby? Trying to make Pesach with a 1 year old! She was doing her part to keep things interesting. She kept throwing things out of her high chair, and spreading those Cheerios everywhere. Besides, a baby of this age needs to be constantly watched. She does not sleep nearly as much as a newborn, and she does not yet have any common sense, but she is mobile and active. I did enclose the living room as a space where she could be contained, but she is only happy in there for so long before starting to cry. So, out of 13 years that I have made Pesach, I was heavily pregnant or with a newborn for 4, and with an acitve one year old for 5. That's nine years of challenges. No wonder I don't feel so gung-ho about Pesach any more.

seder table
7:30 erev pesach

I did pull myself together, invited people over for the meals of the last days, and cooked and served for those meals. The company was pleasant, and it did feel like Yom Tov.

As for the seder prep, I pulled out my collection of Hagadahs, but the boys were most fascinated with The Exodus You Almost Passed Over by Rabbi Forhman. They both read it, and more than once. 10 yo kept bringing it to the table, reading out loud and discussing various points.3 yo stayed up for the seder, saw my husband put on his kittel and asked: "Why are you doing that?" "Thank you for fulfilling my obligation, So you could ask." He was not amused, but he was explained more about coming out of Egypt. And he even recited a nice part of Ma Nishtana. I know he was taught it in school, but I also have a Pesach CD that he kept asking me to put in, which contains it.

10 yo showed brotherly love
by putting up with 3 yo
messing up his experiment
(you need someone
of similar height for it to work)
at the science museum

On Chol HaMoed, I took kids places, hoping to rally just a bit. On Monday we went to the Museum of Natural History.

Kings of the rock at Noah's Ark

On Tuesday we visited an animal sanctuary with another homeschooling  family. The kids all had someone their own age to interact with, so the boys were able to go at their pace, and I could keep up with the littles.

Wednesday was the last day of coop classes followed by park day. I saw the boys' presentation from Lego Robotics class and missed the Bridges class one due to the littles being in toddler room. We brought out miracle bars to share. 12 walked around, advertising how good they are and sharing his insights about Pesach. I thought we will leave early enough for the babies to nap at home, but they both could not sleep. So, on the spur of the moment, I grabbed the willing kids and went to Botanical Gardens to sneak a peek at Chihuly exhibition. Our membership was running out and it did not officially open till after Pesach, but the glass was already installed. The kids loved running around finding the artwork: "There is a Chihuly!" And Thursday I went to taeknowdo with the boys followed by a cooking marathon for the last days.

Boys are presenting their robot

Now Yom Tov is over, the kitchen is back to chametz, laundry is churning from mounds of dirty into mounds of clean, and we bought our chametz. I am looking forward to Pesach when the youngest is 3. In the meanwhile, I will keep on trying to do what I can, and ignore the over-optimistic accounts of how easy it is to make Pesach.

Chihuly in the Botanical Garden

on being present

During the past legal holiday, we visited a nursing home. My friend posted that she would like to visit, as a חסד (kindness), but her kids are out of town, can someone with cute babies come with her? My husband was on call anyway, and I wanted to give my kids this experience, so I agreed to go.

This is so not my thing: going and making small talk with strangers while making sure that my kids are not too wild or loud. My insides clench at the thought. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to say it, and I'm afraid to offend.

Still, I went. I talked it up to the kids, trying my best to make it sound good and exciting: you can sing for the residents, you can do taekwondo presentation, it will be fun. The nursing home itself was brand-new, more like a fancy hotel. We went into the memory care unit, a fancy way to describe a place for those who no longer can orient themselves. The coordinator pulled out games: bowling, balloons and badminton rackets, balls. The kids busied themselves with the equipment. They tossed the balls to each other and to the residents, whacked at those balloons and were noisily happy. 11 yo played a game of "keep it up" with one of the ladies, solicitously tossing the balloon within her reach. He continued for good five minutes, patiently retrieving the balloon when it wandered off..

5 yo asked for a drink of water. We had to go around a corner, to the dining area to get her one. Over there, an old man was sitting in front of his breakfast tray. He looked at us, and something in his eyes looked like he wanted to connect. I had plenty of reasons not to do so: the rest of my kids were not within my line of sight, the residents who wanted interaction were in another room, the drinking that my daughter wanted was done. Yet I said something or other to this man, and he started talking. The words were tumbling out, with urgency. I sat down at his table, looking straight at him, nodding. He had a message, and he was trying to tell it to me. Israel, kibbutz, scientist daughter, millions of books, wise men, military: it was all there in the story, Yet I could not catch all the words that he said, and the details (who, when, where) were all missing. The story was circular, clearly without an end. My daughter left; I stayed, rationalizing that there are enough adults watching my kids. I consciously willed myself to stay and do nothing productive at this time. I stayed for a bit, and when my kids entered the space again, I excused myself.

As we were loading in the car, 11 yo angrily said that these residents do not need us: they have all these fancy activities. I explained how these people specifically need us. Our visit brought a certain positive experience to them, even if they won't be able to remember who came and what happened. They will remember the joy of interaction.

---------------------------

For the past three days, 5 yo has been sick. She has fever and feels overall miserable. She lounges on the couch and calls for me to sit with her. She wants me to cuddle. She does not want me to read books to her, she does not want me to get her drinks, or do anything else, she just wants me to sit next to her. It is excruciatingly painful for me. I want to do something to make her feel better. I don't want just to sit, I want to move, to fix, to tidy up, to do something with her or for her. I feel trapped, bored and lonely. I want to check my phone and arrange things. She complains about my phone. I try to just sit, but I can't.

In our lives, we are constantly told to be efficient, be quick, get things done, accomplish something, have a tangible measure of achievement. Sitting next to my sick daughter does not produce anything. Sitting to an old rambling man with dementia does not achieve anything. Yet both of these idle activities generate a sense of well-being in the recipient.

I am quite good at doing fun things with my kids. I am not quite good at simply being with them.

Second-best?

I have seen some talk lately putting down the lifestyle of baalei batim as a second-best choice to full-time Torah learners. Usually this talk comes from a more right-wing people, the ones who have someone else (or expect someone else) to cover their expenses while the husband sits down and learns full time. These people feel very uncomfortable when later on life they are forced to leave the cocoon of the kollel and face the realities of the world. Their wives feel that the sacrifices they make to assure full-time Torah learning makes them partners in Torah, and they are assured Olam Haba based on how many hours their husband spends in learning. They feel fake and lost once this learning ends.

During my high school years, I have discussed this issue, and firmly resolved not to get married to a full-time learner. I believed in being married to someone who has a work ethic, and who views himself as a family provider, while still making time for learning and maintaining a frum lifestyle. Good thing I met my wonderful husband before hitting the shidduch circuit.

This past weekend we drove to another city for my husband's medical conference. He needs continuous medical education credits, and being homeschoolers with a pretty open schedule, we can all come along. The only caveat is, usually doctors fly to these conferences in ritzy places, stay in quite decent hotels, and have a mini-vacation while rubbing shoulders with other doctors and watching some Powerpoints. In our case, the conference was over Friday-Saturday, so that posed some issues from the beginning. My husband found out that the hotel where the conference was taking place was within a walking distance from a local Jewish community. He came up with a plan: stay with a local family for Shabbos, and he would walk to his lectures on Saturday. (He made similar arrangements before). Learning from our last year's experience, I know that not everyone is able to put up a family of six, so I was a bit skeptical. He called up the shul, talked to the rabbi, and even made a deal that whichever money would go towards hotel, he would either give to the family or donate to the shul. There are a few kosher establishments in the area, and a few tourist attractions, so I was sold.

When we got to our destination, there was a layer of ice and snow on the ground, something that we did not experience this year. It was also bitterly cold. The kids were eager to go out and play, until they realized how cold it is, and how slippery the ice is. I got worried: how is my husband going to walk in all this? We did pack warm clothes, but they are not proper northern gear, as we usually have no need for such things.

On Friday, I dropped him off in the morning. We agreed to meet in the Jewish student life center for lunch, down the block from his conference, where there was a supervised vegetarian cafe. He came in between his lectures, and wrestled our baby so I could get some food in. Then, he went back. There was more winter advisory weather predicted, and the city was going into lock down. I was worried about him getting back before Shabbos, but he took a bus back, and basically turned right around, took our two older boys, and went to shul for Friday night. It was snowing, and he was already out walking in this nasty weather, but this was a chance to daven with a minyan (and I needed a bit of break after wrestling with all the kids in an unfamiliar place all day). At the table, he made an effort to engage kids in parsha-related discussions, even though he was the only adult doing so.

http://www.consoleandhollawell.com/law-blog/freezing-rain-and-multicar-pileups-kill-five/

The following morning we woke up to a freezing rain. I mournfully looked out the window: you will have to be walking for half an hour in this?! He just got up and davened, then he made kiddush so we would have at least a bit of a normal Shabbos family time, and then he offered to walk me over to shul (our hosts made it quite clear that the mom likes to have a quiet house on Shabbos morning while the kids are in shul, and that's where lunch was going to take place). I kept glancing at this freezing rain, at my poor kids who have to walk in it, and at my husband who will have a much longer walk than we do. I was glad that he walked us over, as the slushy ice made it hard to navigate with an umbrella stroller. Then my hubby turned around and marched to his conference, in the freezing rain.

The plan was for him to walk back over during lunch break, have lunch with us (if he got the timing right) and then go back to the conference. He had to submit his paperwork by the end of it to get credit for attendance, so he had to be there by 4 pm. He filled it all out beforehand and left it with a concierge (the hotel was outside the eruv, and the conference people are a bit picky about how they accept things). As this shul luncheon progressed quickly, I kept glancing out the door, hoping that my husband makes it back. I made a plate for him to take back, but without the hot options. As the hosts started to leave, I had no choice but to bundle up my kids and follow them. Just as we started trudging back, my husband returned, wet and cold. Without complaint, he helped navigate the same slush back to the house.

I offered him a meager shul lunch plate (bagels, cream cheese, tuna and egg salad). There was no lechem mishna, so he just washed on sliced bagel halves. He told me how the hotel people looked funny at him, coming in soaking wet, how passing buses splashed him with water, and how the conference secretary wondered aloud about provisions for such cases, like calling a taxi. Big0shot doctors are not supposed to be ding this! But he just shrugged his shoulders, finished his lunch, said mincha, and trudged back to the hotel. We agreed that I will try to pick him up when Shabbos is over. I joked ruefully how when we are home and he's on call, he has his cell on him, so I can call after Shabbos and reach him, but now that he was not on call, I cannot even get in touch. He smiled and said, don't worry.

As Shabbos ended,  he did call me from the front desk to be picked up. I was feeling how this was such a weird Shabbos, and so uncomfortable, both physically and spiritually. Yet, after we got kids into bed, I caught my husband sitting down to finish his shnei mikra.

Maybe he did not learn the whole day, maybe this was not a traditional shabbos, but whichever Torah he learned this Shabbos, despite the crazy circumstances, I will gladly accept as my ticket to Olam haba. I am proud to be married to someone who will no sacrifice either part of his identity for convenience's sake. And I am proud that this is the role model for my children.

a prisoner of mood swings

We have been having some really great days with 8 yo. No, we have not changed anything that I can say. Daddy has been around a bit more, and they have been horsing around a bit more, but not in any new way. We have not started any medication, supplements or therapy. We have not cut out gluten (although I do try to avoid food coloring and extra sugar, but I am not strict about it). Anyway, it has been almost gloriously smooth.

Until today.

Today we were supposed to go to the nature center for a homeschool day. We have been in the past, and I always wonder how much schoolwork to plan on a day like this. On one hand, it's a field trip, and I get quite tired from it to do anything extra. On the other hand, I find the kids are sitting around, when they could be learning or reviewing something. So I decided to keep it to a minimum.

10 yo was learning mishna right after shacharit, and then I asked him to do one page of math. For 8 yo, who also went to shul, I asked him to do math only, hoping that if my husband comes home early enough, they can do some chumash. 10 yo shrugged and proceeded to math. 8 yo dramatically dropped to the floor, and laid there,  motionless.

Now this was going on as my daughter was pulling out large scissors and glue stick for her project, and 1 yo was diligently dumping books off the bookshelf. I still had to pack our lunch. I had it all laid out, it just had to be placed into the cooler backpack. I knew that if I focused on 1 yo, and read him a book, he would stop, I knew that 4 yo wanted me to read to her, too, only 1 yo kept yanking that book out of my hands. I was getting upset that 8 yo balked at one school thing that he was assigned. Meanwhile, 10 yo was having difficulty with his math, and also needed help.

I found myself helplessly sitting at the table, yelling at 4 yo having scissors where 1 yo can get them, yelling at 10 yo rounding off answers and not showing his work, yelling at 8 yo for being so darn freaking dramatic and not even trying. It might be hard to explain what it feels like to be held hostage by a child's unpredictable mood.

In the end, he sulked off to his room to do his math, 10 yo did not even finish his one page, and I forgot to grab my cellphone. We were running late, and 1 yo was screaming. I shushed and shushed kids in the car, even though they were not doing anything objectively objectionable. We barely made it.

Today's homeschool class involved a Starlab, an inflatable dome onto which the night sky is projected. I knew it was meant for kids ages 5 and up, but I was not sure whether my daughter would stay. (For the purists, she will be five in a month, so this is a technicality). She chose to stay with her brothers to go inside the dome while I took 1 yo out in a stroller to see the beaver in his enclosure.

Later, the kids came out and even did the little prepared crafts. 8 yo was concerned about making a "holiday" craft, which involved pinpricking the stars in a printed constellation and then decorating a frame with nature objects such as acorns, tiny pine cones, seeds and leaves. I said that I do not feel that there is anything wrong with making such a craft.

As the kids were working at various stations, a staff member came up to tell me how much 8 yo knew about the stories of the constellations. I assumed he meant 10 yo, the master talker, but he said, no, the younger one. I asked 8 yo where he learned all these stories; I certainly do not recall teaching him any, or him reading up on the subject matter. He reminded me of the astronomy class he took at the coop last year. Yeah, I definitely do not give this kid enough credit...

Then we drove home, and the math was still looming. 10 yo sat down and did his one problem, incorrectly. Then he moved on to his mishna homework. 8 yo went back to complete meltdown. I told him to step outside. His best response was, Hashem made a mistake in creating me. I said, Hashem does not make mistakes, and you have to be the best kid that you can be.

Soon, it was time to leave for taekwondo. I told the boys to bring their schoolwork, and to do it there, while waiting for their class.10 yo brought his mishna, and the second volume of Harry Potter. Harry Potter won. Meanwhile, 8 yo brought his math binder over. We ended up doing it after his class. He finished the whole page, with very minimal help, in five minutes. As we completed it, I asked, were your fits worth it? He responded, no, and that he is sorry for his behavior.

So here I am, a hostage to my child's moods. I know that I should be a wise parent, rising above such hiccups, I know that I should take a deep breath, hold it together, stay calm and reassuring. But I also know that there is no rhyme or reason to these fits. Today can be horrible, and tomorrow can be sunny. Today can be peachy, and tomorrow the world will be coming to an end. Today I can plan, and carry out, and tomorrow everything will get scrambled. I am flexible, but this is taxing beyond basic flexibility.

accidental find (photoblog)

This is what happens when I have an activity scheduled just for 10yo (homeschool day at Anne Frank exhibit) in a part of town where we usually don't go. I sort of looked at the map and saw two local parks, figuring one of them should have a playground. The younger kids insist on bringing their bikes, so we end up driving to the park with paved trails. We have never been there before, but we had time and were open to new experiences.

watching the ducks 

skipping stones

blue heron

goose feather

watching waterfowl

I always wonder: couldn't we do this if we weren't homeschooling? Couldn't we come here on a Sunday? But do we end up taking half a Sunday just to wander around and discover a new park?

I fret about wasting learning time. Then I see that they are learning and watching and observing and feeling, especially near a peaceful lake on a beautiful day. I see 8 yo calm down and focus. I see him observe. I see him wait patiently.

We all just need free mornings to go out there and explore nearby nature places. We all need rippling lake surface. We all need to be quiet enough to hear the calls of the birds and not to scare them off.  We all need freedom to just go out there, bike, and teach our kids to skip stones.

good old American fun

Today I took 8 yo to Six Flags. He did "Read to Succeed", a reading program in which, once the kids document six hours of reading over the course of many months, they get a free ticket to a nearby Six Flags park. We did it two years ago, with multiple reminders from me. Last year, both boys failed to record their reading hours. They read more than six hours in any given week, but they kept on not writing down what they've read. This year, 8 yo wrote down his reading, while 10 yo did not. He got multiple reminders and even a deadline extension by a week (from the program, not from me), but he still could not get his act together and write down what he was reading. Being a mean mommy, I did not get him the ticket. He was very disappointed, and he kept coming up with different schemes of how to go, including using his allowance money to buy his ticket, but I said that I will not allow him to buy something he should have earned.

So today was 8 yo's day. Additionally, he got to spend it all with me, one-on-one (my MIL came over for the whole day to watch the other kids). I have not been to an amusement park to be amused in a very long time. First, 4 yo was too young to go on any rides. Then I had to wait with her while everyone had fun. Then I had to watch her. Then I was pregnant. In short, I have not had good American fun in years.

In high school, we used to go to the local amusement park often. I loved the water park, the roller coasters, the hanging out. Today was a brief recapture of those carefree days. Before I left for the park, my MIL asked incredulously whether I am planning to go on any rides. I said, of course. As we were going down a log flume, getting splashed and yelling, I thought, that is the kind of mom I am, the one who will get down with her kids to have fun. We did another water ride and then we got to the new water park, the main thing that 8 yo wanted to do. It has a shallow entry lagoon, with waves and tubes to float on. We jumped some waves, splashed, and then I plopped in a chair, warm in the sunshine. 8 yo stayed in the waves, somewhere in the depths of the lagoon. I relaxed, for the first time in months. I did not keep a close eye on 8 yo, but I knew he would not leave the area without me. Whether that makes me a slacker mom, or a relaxed mom is up to you.

When 8 yo had enough of the waves, we went on the water slides. He helped me carry the tubes to the top, and we floated down together. He was so pleasant, so agreeable, and so happy. He also noticed that the lighter the load of the tube, the higher it splashed up the zero gravity slide (and the heavier the log, the bigger splash it produced at the end). He was obviously paying attention to details, soaking in info, drawing conclusions. There was also a bit of a discussion on centrifugal force, and I will lie if I will say that I initiated it, or carried it on. He wondered aloud how many logs it will take before our turn. I jumped at that one, asking him to guess (estimate). He said that he does not want to. Learning and education happen on his terms, not on mine.

As an aside, I should mention that the reason I enjoyed the water park and the wet rides so much had to do with (finally) getting appropriate swimwear for myself. I use a regular bathing suit with Lands' End long sleeve rashguard T-shirt and skirt/pants from Princess swim wear. All material is swimsuit fabric, so it is not heavy and it is meant to get wet and dry quickly. I even got a swimmer's cap, but a tichel does just fine when no real swimming is happening, and it is light enough to dry in the sun.

The last water park ride that we did was to walk to the top of a playground and slide down water slides. There we had to go one at a time. Right next to the entrance of a slide a small boy was standing, shivering. Some older boys said that he is looking for his mommy. Right before my eyes, the lifeguard who was controlling traffic on top made the boy sit down and slide down the slide, with me going next. That slide was scary! It was pitch-black on the top, with water shooting down, and it was long. I actually happened to slow down in the middle, and a person overshot me, apologizing. When I got to the bottom and got my bearings, I saw the same small kid standing next to the exit of the slide. I approached him and tried asking whether he is looking for his mommy and whether I should help him. I did not want to grab his hand until he understood what I was planning to do. Finally he agreed to go with me. I tried approaching another lifeguard, who just offered to contact his supervisor. Luckily, at that moment the boy's mother appeared, distraught, and apologetic. He was supposed to be with somebody else, and then he got lost. I totally sympathize with her: unless the kids are on a leash, in a large space like that someone is bound to get separated.

After this whole experience, I wonder whether this boy will develop fear of the dark, or fear of heights, or of water parks, or of life guards. I wonder whether I should have done something at the top of a slide, but I could not imagine that a life guard would just shove a small kid down a slide to get him off his hands. In a bigger way, I wonder how our kids get treated in a larger world. Is everyone nice and thoughtful and kind, or are people mean and short-tempered and your kid just gets in the way?

After the water park, we went to bumper cars. 8 yo said that he will ride on his own. I saw that he had trouble with his car, causing a traffic jam. I saw that people kept on telling him to turn the steering wheel all the way to the right and then gun it, to get out. I saw that he was not listening. I kept my mouth shut about the whole experience. Either he will get better next time, or he will ride with someone.

Our last two activities were a metal chain carousel and a roller coaster. Right as the carousel took off and started looping, my stomach let me know that I am not fifteen any more. I just closed my eyes and tried to relax. No such luck. Moreover, then 8 yo asked me to come with him on a nearby roller coaster. I said that he could go on his own, but he wanted company. There was no wait, so we got on pretty quickly. This was one major ride, with big drops and multiple loops. When it was over, I was not sure how I will walk, let alone drive us home. I was thinking back to all the grown-ups from my high school days: how were THEY able to ride and not lose their lunch?

Finally, the earth solidified somehow, and I calmed down enough to drive us home. 8 yo proudly announced that he went on that last roller coaster for his brother; to say that he tried it, but it was a bit too much. He also confessed that he kept his eyes shut the whole ride. I find it amusing that his brother was able to control him even in his absence.

even more unschooling

4 yo started reading Bob books. I had them forever, and I was pretty sure that she knew her letters, or at least enough of them to start reading. I knew that she was interested. When I pulled down the first one, she looked at it and read it as if she knew what is inside. She definitely has a tendency to name letters rather than say the sounds that they make, but I am sure it will go away. I am in no rush to get through the set or to get her reading fluently, but she is ready and interested. No drilling, no pressure, no stress, no reading readiness programs, just good old interest and house full of books.

Yesterday 10 yo chose "What Your Fourth Grader Needs to Know" as his car reading on the way to tae kwon do. From what I know about those books, if he learns everything that is inside, he will be ahead of most 4th graders. Since this is not the first time he is reading that book, we should be OK.

8 yo agreed that he should practice some writing. He has been picking poems to copy, of all things. We tried a limerick, but the lines were too long. Tonight he copied some lines from "Why oh Why Are Deserts Dry?" Considering how I feel ready to give up on getting this child to write down anything, this copying is very good news. He plans to copy the entire book, one stanza per day.

4 yo fed the chickens while the boys attended a workshop on poisonous plants. Afterwards I got a long lecture on which plants I should be careful not to eat ( foxglove, oak leaves, pear seeds). 1 yo crawled and crawled through the grass and pointed at those chickens.

The boys had zoo homeschool class. I took the two younger ones to the sprinkler park. 1 yo crawled through the splash pad and scuffed his knees and ankles pretty badly. By the end, he seemed eager to walk, downward facing dog style. If the PT will not cause him to walk, the desire to be on all surfaces will.

At home, 8 yo and 4 yo are organizing a desk in their room to serve as their workshop (some sort of ninja training center, I suppose). They brought over markers, scissors, a chair, and a notebook. I am wondering whether 8 yo is ready to start making projects on his own terms. I cannot even imagine what they will look like, but they are his projects, not mine.

10 yo made a model of a hillside with a secret entrance to an army base underneath, complete with stairs and chambers. The other day he made a pueblo. His material of choice is card stock. I thought I will use it to print out posters and flashcards, but kids have other plans.

In the middle of doing Chumash today, right before we got to new pesukim, 10 yo asked me, totally out of the blue: "What is your biggest fear?" I answered: "Something bad happening to one of the kids." I asked him what is his (I was pretty sure that was the reason for the question). He said: "Losing out financially in a major way." Well, I did not know that was on his mind, although after blowing a whole lot of his allowance and present money, he has not been spending any of it lately. I told him how even if you lose all the money, as long as you are willing to work hard and be smart about it, it is possible to be OK.

Serendipitously, a friend of mine just recently wrote how kids' emotional health comes before academics. I was thinking how his question had nothing to do with what we were learning and could have been misconstrued as stalling or distracting. By now, I seem to sense when they are distracting, and when they have a pressing need which takes precedence over learning.

Day 5

We spent the night in the northern reaches of Indiana. From experience, I can tell you that it is better to get a suite with a separate bedroom than one full room. Everyone is more likely to get sleep that way. We slept in till a whooping 7 am (central time). When the kids woke up, and they all woke up together, we got the olders dressed and I took them to the pool. In this hotel, the jacuzzi was not working, and the pool was not as balmy warm as the first one. By the time everyone swam and played, by the time i brought them back to the room to shower and get dressed, we missed most of breakfast. At least the yogurt was kosher in this one.

As we started to Indianapolis, first we got stuck behind a police escorting a truck carrying an oversized beam. This truck was taking up all two lanes of the highway, so we spent over an hour not going faster than 40 mph. Then the gas got low, but the exits were few and far in between. I was truly believing that we were about to spend half a day on a shoulder waiting for AAA to get us some gas.

We were planning to swing into Indianapolis to meet up with another homeschooling family, and then on to Cincinnati for more indian food, but, due to starting out late and the traffic delays, we ended up skipping both. The place in Cincinnati is closed between lunch and dinner, and we would not get there early enough ( or late enough). However, thanks to the great american consummerism, there is always a Walmart around the corner. We pulled off into one, got some tortillas, lettuce, tuna and mayo and made tuna wraps for lunch. I also got some fruits and veggies for our dinner, and ice cream for dessert.

In the car we are listening to "The Mysterious Edge of the Heroic World". I am not so sure if I would have picked it out, if I knew the contents more intimately than the description on the back of the CD case, as it is clearly geared towards older kids. However, the themes it touches upon: fitting in, conforming, wealth, friendship, relationships, WWII, art, are all covered in a fascinating manner. I find the need to alternate the CDs with either musical CDs or silence for the sake of my daughter, for whom probably large portions of these books fly over her head. We spend quite some time talking about giving others a turn, and being respectful of their choices and preferences. During one of the CDs that she picked, the boys were so bored, that out of desperation they started reading youth Pirkei Avot.

Then we rolled off to Kentucky Mammoth Cave national park. We got to the hotel while it was still light, a first on this trip. This is a one-room suite, but very well-kept. We had our traditional hotel dinner: Tradition soups and deli sandwiches. The baby opened and closed every drawer and every crevice. Then my husband took kids swimming, for the second time in a day, and I tucked the baby in.

Day 1 of our trip

taking a picture of a butterfly

It's one of those road trips which has the potential to be really good, or really bad, depending on the attitude. We are driving to Chicago for my husband's medical boards. Normal people fly in the day before the test, get a good night of sleep, take the test and fly back. Since the boards are on Friday morning, if my husband were to do this, he would not be able to get back home before Shabbos. He has done this in the past, but this time we are making a road trip from the whole experience, driving up and then back down.

the boys heaved the biggest stick they could find

Normal people spend the day before a major trip packing and then drive out the first thing in the morning. We both had something going on Wednesday morning: my husband had to work, and I had to teach my coop class on Battles and Weapons. Oh, and by that point we still did not have a place to stay for Shabbos. The few obvious suggestions fell through, my husband called the shuls, but nothing was coming through, and our preferred alternative (state park cabin) was not to be found within immediate Chicago vicinity. As I was teaching my class, another homeschooling friend was trying frantically to get in touch with me to let me know that she found us a place.  We were able to set out on this trip without worrying about what are we going to do for Shabbos.

You can teach your kids about Earth's rotation and time zones and the vastness of the US, or you can drive through the time zones. You can teach about terrain and weathering, or you can observe curvy highways cut through the mountains and waterfalls pouring off them, right beside interstates. We clearly saw when we drove into Appalachian mountains and then when we left for the foothills. We stopped at Tennessee welcome center on an island in the middle of the dammed Tennessee river. We swung into Nashville for some authentic Indian food. We used to get Indian food in Houston, and we have missed it. In Nashville, I found Woodlands, which is vegetarian and kosher. And authentic: all the spices are right and strong, all the dishes hot and steamy. My boys ordered dosas and chappati, and my husband and I got combo dinners, with mango lassi on the side. However, the baby has been up for a long time, and he was not interested in sitting in a high chair. He actually climbed out twice despite being strapped in, and kept trying to bang the spoon on the table. He would not be distracted with food. We took turns with him outside. Meanwhile, the temperature dropped, so I put on his fleecy snowsuit. My kids were wearing shorts and t-shirts, which was perfect wear for this morning. Now they were huddling in their winter jackets.

You can tell your kids all you want about proper table manners, or you can take them to a fairly casual restaurant and they can look around and decide for themselves that this is "fine cuisine" and requires better behavior. 10 yo straightened up, tucked in his napkin, kept his voice down. The younger two calmly walked around the table for the tastes of rice patties. If only those table manners would rub off on the baby...

The best piece of baby equipment that we ever got was pack-n-play. We got the most basic Graco one, and it served us well through four kids. That was where the baby slept last night. Between changing the time zones and not having his crib slats that he likes to grab, he was up at 5 am. Worse, he woke up his siblings, who tried their best to be quiet. He crawled and checked out every single drawer and crevice. The best source of entertainment was the roll of toilet paper. I usually do not let kids waste it, but this was getting a bit desperate. He ripped off a few sheets, wiped the floor with them, crumpled them, ripped them to shreds and then placed them into the garbage can. All this entertainment lasted for about half an hour.

The pool was opening up at 6 am, so I took the three older kids down there by 6, while the baby kept my husband company when he davened. Nobody was in the pool at that time, which was very nice for us. It was indoors and heated, one of the nicest hotel pools I have ever seen. The boys splashed and swam around and we did not have to worry about being quiet. 4 yo was a bit unsure about going into the big pool, but she warmed up towards the end. It was just so nice to watch and spend some time just with the older kids and not be catching anyone diving into the pool head first. 10 yo can really tread water, if not outright swim. 8 yo is cautious enough not to go deep enough. We just laughed and had fun. Then I switched with my husband, who had by now a pretty tired and hungry 1 yo.

The baby ended up falling asleep on me before we were ready to leave, so I sat holding him in the lobby while the kids had breakfast. I liked how I did not have to be anywhere else at that moment, and I was unavailable to pack or check my e-mail or hunt down elusive reception (the hotel was supposed to have wi-fi, but it was spotty). After the kids left to pack up, I had an elderly lady approach me and tell me how the kids are well-mannered. She said that she liked how they listened. I nodded politely, thinking how lucky I am that she did not witness them while they were squabbling or ignoring their parents. Then they rode into the lobby, my husband and 10 yo pushing the cart with all our luggage, 4 yo sitting on top of the suitcases, and 8 yo hanging on in the back, wheeling a duffel behind him, grinning. We do not roll quietly.

  

the past couple days (photoblog)

 Friday afternoon in the park ( for 20 minutes, I dragged all the kids to the library for the book sale which is taking place in MARCH).

 7 yo and 4 yo davening together

 We went to the RV show. None of us have ever been inside an RV, but, with 4 kids, hotel room rental is getting tricky. We are dreaming about RV ownership at this point, but we learned a thing or two. The kids had a blast going through different RVs, looking to cool features.

 Our dear friend built a tether ball for the kids. They love it and spend all their free time playing.

 A trip to 4H. The kids learned about animals, petted and fed the sheep, saw the eggs incubate and handled the baby chicks. 

 This is the second part of 4H trip: wilderness survival. The kids learned what to put into emergency kit, how to avoid survival situation, and how to take care of your needs in case of emergency. The culmination was building a shelter. Each one of my kids ended up on a different shelter-building team. Somehow these unsocialized homeschoolers were able to come together, delegate, self-organize, and build. The last step was taking the shelters apart and the kids did it without fuss (mostly).

making a day great

Lately we've been having bad days. Not just a little blech, but, really bad. no good, rotten days. My husband had been on call, the baby insists on being held most of his waking time, the older kids have been cranky and I have been quite moody. Everything was setting me off, and there were many objective things, but I know that a lot of them were more trigger points.

Last night, as I was tucking in 9 yo, I whispered to him that tomorrow will be a great day. He looked at me, and did not believe me. He wanted to know what am I going to do to make it great. I said that I just know it will be great and we left it at that.

This morning, the baby woke up early, before 7. Nevertheless, by the time I brought him out, I saw that 9 yo was dressed and in the middle of davening. I made berry muffins for breakfast that he likes. While they were baking, he finished writing out the mishnayot summary that his mishna rebbi assigned. He did his script practice and math before the other kids even had breakfast. His math was confusing him a bit, but he stuck to it. Then we did chumash. He pleasantly reviewed the pesukim, and even asked me a question or two about the flood. We read new ones, and he did not throw his Rashi avoidance fit. All in all, he was done by 9 am.

In the next hour, he watched a bit of Pokemon and I got to go for a short walk (by myself!) When I got back, the baby was ready to nurse and 7 yo was ready to finish his first perek of Lech Lecha. He kept his word, and we have been doing a pasuk a day lately, with him reading and listening to baal koreh. He has quite a few of them memorized.

9 yo's  mishna rebbi came at 10:15 and they studied till 11. While they were learning, I did HWT with two younger ones. 3 yo is coloring in different shapes and 7 yo practiced copying rhyming words. Then he did his math, a page on even and odd numbers. By 11, he was long done with his work. 9 yo got a homework assignment to record himself reciting and translating mishnayot. He was also told that the next time they have a class, he will get the dimensions to build the smallest kosher succah.

I packed up lunch and told the kids we are heading out either to IKEA ( we lost three glasses a few weeks ago) or to aquarium. 7 yo decided this is ripe time to throw a fit about how he does not want to go to either place. I tried staying calm. I sent the other kids to the car. I tried talking to him about why he does not want to go. Finally, I said that I cannot leave him home alone and he has to come along. Sure enough, as soon as we started driving, eh calmed down and he had a good time there. I just felt getting drained.

At the aquarium, we saw the tropical fish first. Even the baby watched intently. He reminds me s much of his older brother, also very serious and studying things from a distance. I doubt he will be the kid rushing into things. Then we had lunch and I discovered that I left a bag of pretzels at home. 9 yo pointed out that the main is missing. Oh well...

Then we saw the ocean exhibit. They love the tunnel with the moving sidewalk and the fish swimming above. I love the room with a giant observation window. It is dark in there, and just so peaceful. The boys chatted with the docent about the whale sharks and groupers. WE found out that there are black tip sharks and black tip reef sharks, and that groupers stand still when they are waiting to be cleaned by wrasses. Those groupers parked themselves right by the window, so the boys joked that they should bring toothbrushes next time and help.

When we came out from the exhibit, we saw a sign-up table to test a new app for the aquarium. The reward was a behind the scenes peek at the ocean exhibit. I usually say "no" yo such things, but an inside peek was irresistible, so I signed up. It did not take long, and we got to go to the top of the giant tank and see the whale sharks from above. We actually saw the fins menacingly cutting through the water! Moreover, there was another opportunity for questions.

whale shark fin

We finished the aquarium trip with a visit to a cold water exhibit. 3 yo has a special affinity to anemones, and she just had to touch them. Meanwhile, the penguins have a special affinity for boys' kippas: they will follow them along the wall. 7 yo tormented one penguin by swinging his kippa in circles, and the bird craned its head to follow every movement. By the way, an older lady objected, and he stopped, so the village is alive and well.

tracing the ocean currents

driving penguins batty

I tried getting kids to write Shana Tova cards, but we hit a snag, nobody's heart was in it, so we will attempt again tomorrow. When it came time for dinner, they picked out sweet meatballs and gladly broke into stations to assemble them: 3 and 7 yos rolled them, while 9 yo stirred the sauce, the noddles and the string beans. Everyone was ravenous, and enjoyed dinner. To me, it was a relief, so often one kid starts complaining about food, and just get annoyed, that they will not contribute, yet criticize. We tried having a whole dinner conversation in Hebrew, we just break into it spontaneously sometimes. 7 yo used to freak out about it, but seemed better now. I think he was able to follow more. I did not know how to say "meatballs" or "string beans", and after a while, it was silly to keep saying it in English, so I called them "kadurim basar". 9 yo laughed. By the end of dinner, I pulled out dictionary, and, lo and behold, it IS kadurim basar (literal translation). Then the kids were asking for dessert, and I did not know how to say that, either. 7 yo thought for a second and asked for "hanegba" ( to the desert, the construct that he picked up from Lech Lecha). I thought it was pretty clever.

Overall, this was a good day, maybe not great, but it was nowhere near as bad as our days have been. Was it power of suggestion, or we were just due to have a good one, I do not know, but it feels nice to come out






and survey it and feel good about it.