I wanted to go walking

Today was supposed to be hiking day. There was nothing scheduled until the evening, kids start school the following week, I need to get into nature, we didn't hike enough. But today was raining.

I made other plans, threw three youngest kids into the van, drove to Ikea to salvage the day. The Smaland was closed. I killed half an hour in front of it until the manager confirmed that it will not open. Doing Ikea with three kids, one of whom does not want to walk in a straight line resulted in a lady reprimanding the kids for climbing onto the podium where they don't belong. No, I did not buy what I needed, but I still spent money. The store's credit card system was down. One thing after another.


I came home to discover my boys who were supposed to be learning with the SEED boys on their DS. I was not amused.

I wanted to go walking. The rain stopped, so my daughter asked if we could go swimming. Since it was 70 degrees, I nixed outdoor pool. She sulked. I offered to do a hiking path in the park. She expressed her extreme displeasure. My oldest slyly suggested bowling. I retorted that he's grounded. 4 yo wanted playground. It is extremely wet.

I wanted to go walking. After intense negotiations, 4 yo and 2 yo came with me. I brought an umbrella stroller. 2 yo refused to sit in it. Instead, she pushed it. When she yells: "Help me!" it actually means "don't help me". We got to the bottom of the driveway. It started drizzling. 4 yo did not look so sure about walking. 2 yo kept on pushing the stroller without the ability to see where she was going. 4 yo walked two doors down with us and then announced that he's going home. I tried coaxing 2 yo into the stroller. She refused. We stood there, turning circles, me keeping her away from the passing cars.

I wanted to go walking. We came home. 13 yo and 7 yo were sketching from photos. 2 yo drew on the wall. I made soup. The sun shone through the clouds.

I still want to go walking, Exercise is good for anxiety and depression. Walking is a safe exercise that does not cost anything. Being in nature lifts one's mental state. Everyone should get out there.

Everyone that can, that is.

Dance ensemble

Today was the last Young People's Concert of the season in Spivey Hall. This year, considering how hectic everything was, and how overwhelmed I felt, I have not made use of this great resource as I have in the past years. Also, due to large range of my children's ages, it was hard choosing a performance which would engage everyone. We have gone to three concerts: one was cello quartet, one was a children's opera and this last one was the university's dance ensemble.

My daughter was in playgroup today, so I ended up taking only the boys. I had to get gas, so we ended up leaving so early that we got to the university's grounds with half an hour to spare. This worked to our advantage. The weather was nice, and there are beautiful ponds with waterfowl. My kids often watch them through the window while we wait to be seated, but it rarely worked out for us to spend any time walking around. Today, we got close and personal to a swan and quite a few geese. The older boys spotted a bunch of turtles, and even a water snake. They ran around one of the ponds while 2 yo diligently collected sticks and tossed them in. I often kick myself for not building in this type of free, unscheduled time, especially to enjoy and contemplate nature. We are always rushing to and fro, always working around nap time and taekwondo and playgroup pick-up.

When we went inside the Hall, 2 yo decided to try sliding down the staircase on his stomach, just as he does at home. There were not many people, and I was glad not to have to carry him down all those stairs. At the same time, I felt that it might not be exactly appropriate, considering the decorum of the place. As we were reaching the bottom, one of the ushers approached me. I tensed up, suspecting that it has to do with our entrance. Instead, she asked me how far along am I and where is my missing daughter. She spoke about looking forward to seeing our family next season, with a little one in arms. I exhaled in relief. Maybe we are not that socially inappropriate. Maybe we make a good impression. Maybe people have compassion for us.

Usually the concerts involve singing and/or musical instruments, so having a dance performance was not something that my boys have seen on stage before. Additionally, there was a program this time. 10 yo looked at a black-and-white cover featuring a ballerina, and grouched that it will be all about girls in frilly pink skirts. I kidded him back, that maybe the tutu will be white, or black, or pale blue. He browsed through the program and then tapped me excitedly: one of the dances was set to The Piano Guys' Code Name Vivaldi. My husband recently introduced boys to The Piano Guys, and they have been obsessing over it.

This is a college-level dance program, but, as the choreographer explained, it is a fairly new program on campus, less than three years old. Consequently, it was obvious that we did not have professional ballerinas and dancers performing; rather, students who chose to take a dance class. What struck me is how diverse were their body types. Often, when one watches ballet, or even back-up dancers in music videos, it is easy to assume that one has to be emaciated-looking in order to dance. Now these ladies were voluptuous. Some might have even qualified as obese. Some were petite, but there was no uniformity to them. Yet they all danced with passion and with grace. They all knew how to move to the music, and how to enjoy themselves. It did not look ridiculous, it looked like great fun. And there were no pink frilly tutus. There were body suits, and off-the shoulder leotards. There was jiggling of flesh; there was movement and confidence. I am glad that my boys got to see these real human bodies moving, instead of glossed and polished versions on TV, or in a professional program.

My daughter is finishing her year of ballet and tap. There is going to be a recital and all the hoopla that comes with it. One thing that bothered me from the first day about ballet was how much emphasis is placed on appearance, on wearing the matching outfits, on staying in line, etc. My reasoning for signing her up (she was asking for it) was to get this ballerina dream out of her system when she is young, and then move on to some activity which requires less emphasis on appearance. After watching the young ladies on stage today move their bodies with confidence despite lack of uniform appearance might make me reconsider. No, I am not plotting a dance career for my daughter, but I want her to be confident that her body can do wondrous things, despite the body type and appearance.

mommy's day out (photoblog)

I got out all by myself today. Here are some images:

The day was gloomy, with 100 % chance of rain. Luckily, just as I left house, the rain has stopped. I walked on a paved trail and saw these birds.

Train overpass

Everything was wet, and I just loved seeing the reflections in all the puddles.

selfie in a puddle

Acorn caps

The overcast day made for beautiful lighting.

The tree reflection in droplets on a bench was very Escher-like.

After the walk, I got a salad for lunch ( with all the ingredients that I wanted) and headed over to the museum to spend some time exploring on my own. I rarely get to spend as much time on the exhibit as I would like. I saw the exhibit on local folk arts. What stuck with me was a hand-spun maternity dress, over 150 years old. The color was a bit strange, but the style was nice. I wonder what future people will say about current maternity clothing (may it all rot in a landfill).

After the museum and the prenatal massage which I was totally craving in  my head, and not scheduling, I stopped by Hancock fabrics, on an impulse. (Could that folk art exhibit have anything to do with it?) Since I am borrowing a sewing machine, and since there was a huge fabric sale, I got some fleece to make no-sew blankets with the kids, and some cutesy fabric to make simple skirts for my daughter.

Finished 20 min skirt ( OK, it took me an hour)

As my last hurrah of the day, I met with a friend for some schwarma. I have been craving turkey, but how can I get just one slice? It was nice to pick out just the salads that I wanted instead of worrying what the kids will eat.

We split an order of fries, but we were unable to finish it. I brouhgt home the leftovers, to my kids' delight.

accidental find (photoblog)

This is what happens when I have an activity scheduled just for 10yo (homeschool day at Anne Frank exhibit) in a part of town where we usually don't go. I sort of looked at the map and saw two local parks, figuring one of them should have a playground. The younger kids insist on bringing their bikes, so we end up driving to the park with paved trails. We have never been there before, but we had time and were open to new experiences.

watching the ducks 

skipping stones

blue heron

goose feather

watching waterfowl

I always wonder: couldn't we do this if we weren't homeschooling? Couldn't we come here on a Sunday? But do we end up taking half a Sunday just to wander around and discover a new park?

I fret about wasting learning time. Then I see that they are learning and watching and observing and feeling, especially near a peaceful lake on a beautiful day. I see 8 yo calm down and focus. I see him observe. I see him wait patiently.

We all just need free mornings to go out there and explore nearby nature places. We all need rippling lake surface. We all need to be quiet enough to hear the calls of the birds and not to scare them off.  We all need freedom to just go out there, bike, and teach our kids to skip stones.

more unschooling

I was planning on taking kids to the Gem and Mineral show today and then to the nature center. I told them about these plans. 8 yo wanted to print out a picture of a butterfly that he took with his camera in Tennessee. First I showed him how to load the files onto the computer and how to print them out. Then he wondered out loud whether his butterfly was a blue morpho. I said that he can look it up online. He searched for images of blue morpho (which involved typing) and found out that his butterfly is different. He seemed stumped, so I suggested just looking for blue butterflies. He searched some more and found a website for identifying butterflies. After some trial and error, he found out that his butterfly was red-spotted blue. I asked him to label his image and he copied the name from the screen.

Meanwhile I printed out a picture of a ladybug for my daughter that she asked me to take on Chol HaMoed. She remembered this whole time that she wanted that picture of a ladybug. She wrote her name, and then I wrote "ladybug" on a dry-erase board which she copied onto the paper.

Our first stop was Gem and Mineral show. There are forms to fill out for door prizes, with separate category for kids and last year 10 yo won a door prize. Last year 8 yo melted down while being unable to fill out his form, so I was bracing myself. 10 yo flew through filling out his, and 8 yo started on his form. He wrote his first name too big, so he had to squeeze our long last name onto the next line. Then he stalled at writing down our address. Our street name has a few words in it, so he ran out of space. I suggested finishing on the back and he said, nobody looks there. I suggested adding an arrow. He was so close to meltdown, but held himself together. When it was time to write down a phone number, I saw that he reversed almost all the numbers. Sigh, we definitely need to work on handwriting, and I definitely need to get him to an OT.

He started writing down "homeschool" for school, wrote capital M, froze, tried squeezing in the rest of the letters before it. When it was time to write down teacher's name, he even managed to mangle "mom". Finally, he submitted the form.

To our great surprise, he was picked for a door prize! Since his slip was so funky, he was called up by his first name and the first word in our street's name. It was funny, but it was definitely his slip. He was given a slab of agate that he proudly hauled around. It even made up for the fact that he did not have his money with him (I think it is in the great pile of confiscated stuff). I got each kid a grab bag at the exit. Each bag was $2. I pulled out a twenty and asked 8 yo, so how much will the grab bags cost for the three of you? Before 10 yo had a chance to pipe up, I shushed him, saying this is for 8 yo to figure out. He said, 6$. I asked, and how much change will you get back? The person behind the grab bag table started egging him on, and I saw a trapped look in 8 yo's eyes. I quickly led the kids outside, sent 10 yo and 4 yo walking around the planters while 8 yo thought. He did some fantastical calculation, something with adding by twos and threes, but eventually he arrived at the correct answer. I sent the kids in with the money, staying outside with the baby. They came back with their grab bags.

In the car on the way over to the nature center, they examined their loot, and each kid had an item to trade from their bags. 10 yo found a large piece of quartz with pyrite ingrained in it. 4 yo had a very good piece of petrified wood. She was able to say that it is wood, and she gave over her ladybug picture.

We had lunch and the kids listened to a naturalist talk about red-shouldered hawk. 1 yo was fascinated with an opposum behind the glass just at his eye level. He kept pulling up and looking in and even trying to say "opposum". Then we did one hike. We even had our trail blocked by a fallen pine, which was so large that we had to blaze a trail around it. The boys stopped and read all the new signage.

Without any external agenda, we did math, computer, research, science, writing, reading and PE. The good mellow mood settled over the kids, and 10 yo wished that we had more Sundays like this. I mused to myself, we are unschooling, so why do we have to wait till Sunday to have an experience like this?

the past couple days (photoblog)

 Friday afternoon in the park ( for 20 minutes, I dragged all the kids to the library for the book sale which is taking place in MARCH).

 7 yo and 4 yo davening together

 We went to the RV show. None of us have ever been inside an RV, but, with 4 kids, hotel room rental is getting tricky. We are dreaming about RV ownership at this point, but we learned a thing or two. The kids had a blast going through different RVs, looking to cool features.

 Our dear friend built a tether ball for the kids. They love it and spend all their free time playing.

 A trip to 4H. The kids learned about animals, petted and fed the sheep, saw the eggs incubate and handled the baby chicks. 

 This is the second part of 4H trip: wilderness survival. The kids learned what to put into emergency kit, how to avoid survival situation, and how to take care of your needs in case of emergency. The culmination was building a shelter. Each one of my kids ended up on a different shelter-building team. Somehow these unsocialized homeschoolers were able to come together, delegate, self-organize, and build. The last step was taking the shelters apart and the kids did it without fuss (mostly).

butting heads

Yesterday, we had one of those homeschooling days that look so good on paper and make people want to homeschool their kids. I had a dental appointment first thing in the morning, so I left my husband in charge of getting kids started on their schoolwork. So I got to get out by myself and take care of my health. The boys finished everything on their list by 11, before the baby woke up from his nap. Then we drove to JCPenney to take a family picture. My husband met us there. Afterwards, he went back to work and we went bike riding on a wooded trail near the mall. We saw deer. Then we came home, 9 yo played on his DS while I made tacos for dinner, their favorite, and one of my easiest meals. After dinner, my MIL came over, and I took 9 yo on a one-to-one outing to Costco.

Sounds so ideal, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, it did not go as smoothly as it sounds. While I was at the dentist, and my husband was in charge, 7 yo was supposed to copy number words for his spelling. My husband wrote them in script. 7 yo promptly threw a fit, since he cannot copy script. My husband wrote them all in capitals, and 7 yo copied them just like that. By the time I got back and saw this, I rewrote them in lowercase, and he copied those, too. He also threw a fit about a page of translations in Lashon HaTorah, while 9 yo objected to his mishna assignment. All the time, I was telling the kids that we will need to change into white shirts before we take this photo, and the kids were not listening. Next thing I know, we are running late, 7 yo is throwing a fit that he does not want to wear his shabbos shirt and he does not want to take a picture, while 9 yo is throwing a fit that he wants to be dropped off at home right after the picture because he does not want to go bike riding, he much rather play DS. 7 yo compromised by packing clothes to change into before we go bike riding. Then 3 yo is melting down in the car; she was wearing her jacket, but she does not want to be buckled up on top of her jacket. And I am trying to grab my sheitel and do some sort of make-up. Heck, we are only doing this picture because I got a Groupon and because the last (and only) family picture we took was when 3 yo was 9 months.

So we are driving in the car in silence, since I totally blew my lid. I did not have any lunch, either. And I forgot to pack up water.

When we got to JCPenney, we loosen up, but  now the baby is getting tired, so every time I hold him and try to face him towards the camera, he turns around, looking to nurse. Then I keep on blinking and ruining all those nice shots where everyone else is looking at the camera. Then the boys start making faces. Then 3 yo starts to sulk. Finally, there are some shots which would pass.

I take off my sheitel and tell 7 yo to change into his bike riding clothes. He discovers that he did not bring the bag that he packed. I take them all to the car, hoping that his bag was left there. 9 yo continues his whine how he much rather go home. The bag is not in the car, but I have a bag with emergency change of clothes for all the kids (too many summer wadings). 7 yo changes, strewing his shabbos clothes all over the van. The baby starts his pre-nap growling. We start driving, looking for the parking for this trail. Thankfully, I found it right away. As soon as we get there, the boys unload their bikes and hop right on.  Now 3 yo starts her thing about how she does not want to walk... the baby continues humming to himself, trying to fall asleep. The boys shoot ahead on their bikes, we are moseying along at our pace. Then the boys come back, asking how long it will be taking us to catch up.

I just want to stroll on this warm afternoon, and enjoy the last warm rays of the sun. I just want a bit of quiet. I just want someone to admit that they are having a good time.

We crossed a few bridges, saw ducks and deer grazing in the woods. A stag actually bounded right in front of us, crossing the trail. The boys talked and biked, 3 yo took her time to crunch up the leaves, the baby fell asleep.

Soon, we headed back, to beat the afternoon traffic. As soon as we got home, 9 yo went straight to his DS. I told him, for half an hour. When the time was up, I reminded him to save his game and get off. 7 yo came as an ambassador to notify me that he's in the middle of the battle and will not be getting off in 2 minutes. I said, he either needs to get out, or just to shut it down. He did not comply. I pried the DS away from him. He jumped up in rage, bumped his head on the upper bunk. Next thing, both boys are hysterically yelling at me about how the battle and the game are messed up. And I'm yelling back that I will put DS in the garbage.

I am trying to get the kids to set the table for dinner, but 9 yo is majorly upset. He tells me how deprived he feels of DS time, how other average homeschool kids get more time to play computer games. I do not  have a lot of patience at this point. 7 yo takes a different tack, that of appeasement: he keeps complimenting the food, and thanks me for all the good things that happened today. 9 yo says: "Thanks for the good AND the bad" and breaks down, crying. I give him a minute. Then he asks to do something one-on-one. I tell him how we need an adult to watch the other kids in order to go out.

That's when my MIL comes over and I decide: I need to go to Costco anyway, it is only 6 pm and I can take just him. I ask him whether he would like to do this as an outing, and he agrees. 7 yo's immediate reaction: what about me? But I am firm, and off we go.

We end up talking a bit, and hanging out. He pushes the cart and comments how light it is, without his siblings inside. He plays around, switching the carts in the parking lot. We watch a Vitamix demonstration, where the guy makes spinach "ice cream". I joke that next time I should put spinach in his smoothie and he giggles. He makes me compare the nutritional facts on the crackers and I discover that Ritz is just as healthy as nearby funky seeded cracker. We get to the diapers and we see that Kirkland and Huggies brand are exact same price per diaper and same amount of diapers in a box, yet the boxes are differently shaped. He starts figuring out whether this brand of diapers is more squished than that, and tells me how he would need to measure the area of one side of the box and multiply it by height. I sort of do not care at this point, so I pick the box that is easier to stick under the cart.

When we get to the car, he tells me how he wants to have a day with no rules, which translates into a day of unlimited DS time. I mull it over and tell him that I will let him know in the morning.

Well, the baby decides to throw a two-hour yelling fit in the middle of the night. I rock him, my husband rocks him, but I do not nurse. Around 6:30 am, the door to my bedroom opens, in marches 9 yo hauling his awake baby brother: "Here!' And can I have a day with no rules?" I am still trying to open my eyes. "Yes, you can, just daven and get dressed first."

He is calling it a day with not rules. I'm calling it a mental health day.

Do you end up butting heads with your kids that much?