summer is coming

It is June. End of school year is nearing or already passed. It seems like a good time to draw some conclusions, see where we are holding.

I started a vegetable garden after a long hiatus. We had wooden boards leftover from the deck construction that have been sitting for all these months. I wanted to make raised garden beds because local clay soil is not conducive to plant growth. Every simple DIY project called for circular saws and power tools. I don't own any of them. I could not manage to be around when others could help me. Desperately, after digging through my husband's toolbox and coming up empty, I went to Home Depot on Mother's Day and bought L-shaped brackets for the corners. At that point, the kids came out to "help". Then my husband appeared, drilled the holes and voila, after months, I had garden beds.

I planted some veggies and begged the kids to keep the backyard gate closed, lest the deer, rabbits and other local wildlife would eat the plants before us humans.

My oldest graduated from middle school. He is going out of state to yeshiva high school next year. I have been very careful to separate my feelings about it from his feelings. He seems to be excited about the idea. I am excited for him. This past year it felt like he was dragging his feet, not getting anything out of school. A change was necessary. Change ought to be good.

12 yo just finished the review of Beshalach today. That is four parshiyot covered this year. His Hebrew reading has improved, even though he balked at any and all approaches that I tried. Somehow, it clicked enough to be smooth enough when he is calm enough. However, Hebrew is still gibberish to him. The shorashim mean nothing. He flails in the dark, not sure what goes where.

I found a gymnastics/parkour place for 12 yo. They also have classes for 8 yo sister. It is not around the corner, but at least I found a place and signed them up. They seem to enjoy the lessons. 12 yo is especially looking for teachers that do not put kids down.

We are babysitting two geriatric guinea pigs. A friend got them from someone who was moving and then she went out of the country for three weeks. Good thing we practiced on my daughter's class pet. The average lifespan of a guinea pig is 6-8 years and these guys are 9. I feel that this is a very easy assignment: no need to bond, train, discipline, contain. Just feed the piggies and keep them comfortable. Try to keep them alive, but if they happen to kick the bucket while on our watch, well, that's old age... They are cute. The kids enjoy them. 3 yo has gotten quite gentle with them, although she keeps moving their castle houses because leaving them alone and observing them with her eyes is not an option. I am considering this a trial run for pet ownership.

3 yo is potty-training. It had to happen one day, and that day was a day before an 8-hour car ride for Shavuot. She is still working on bowel movement, but no pee accidents and dry all night. We have not shut down the pool (yet).

Speaking of the pool, we will be living there this summer. I have four swimmers! I am even finding myself enjoying pool time because there is much less watching required. 5 yo has been trained by me to swim and then his older siblings took over, especially 12 yo. He has been encouraging and working with his little brother, teaching him to dive, to swim in the deep end, and even to go down the water slide. That leaves me just 3 yo to watch. That girlie got comfortable near the water. She can stand in the shallow end of the deep pool, which was a large confidence booster. Within a few times, she started jumping into the pool, putting her face in the water, blowing bubbles and even attempting to swim in the baby pool. I sort of hope that she will learn how to swim by the end of the summer. All of this happened without swim lessons. When the kids are ready, they will try things. When the kids are gently encouraged by an adult in the water without pressure to do this today and that tomorrow, they will develop their own timeline and set their own goals. My 5 yo son was SURE that he will have to be 7 or 8 until he'll be ready to go down the water slide, and I was not so sure whether his timeline was wrong. But then he got enough encouragement and support from his siblings to try it. No, he is not interested in stroke refinement. He is interested in being dumped into 11 feet of water.

Oh, and 12 yo somehow almost finished 7th grade Khan academy math... And he is excellent with little kids. And he knows exactly the right thing to say to a child who is feeling down. And he gives awesomely sincere pep talks. If only he would apply them all to himself...

The kids are not going to Jewish summer day camps. I do not trust the leadership. I do not trust that anyone out there cares for the well-being of my children. I love the concept of a Jewish summer camp as a positive experience of Judaism, but I am no longer naive (or desperate). I wish it were not so. I wish I would get a week's break from all the kids' management. But it looks like camp Mommy all summer long. Zoo, science museums, pools and parks, here we come!

A Wednesday

I am tired. Oh so deeply, essentially tired.

I don't want to whine about how tired I am.

I had a bad night of sleep. 11 yo got braces on his upper teeth and an expander and the pain kicked in in the middle of the night. He marched over at 3 am for a dose of Tylenol.

Not everyone had lunch packed this morning. 13 yo was having a picture day at school, but it was on me to remind him the morning of that he needs to bring a suit on a hanger. 11 yo refused to eat breakfast due to braces and inability to chew his usual morning fare: a bagel. No alternatives would do. He would not think about what to pack for lunch for the homeschool coop classes coming up later in the day. He refused to daven. He refused to go. He refused to do any schoolwork, to listen to any suggestions on how to deal with his teeth, or to offer any of his own. And the whole time I kept coaching myself internally: do not yell, it's his anxiety talking, do not yell, it will make it worse, do not yell...

I packed my lunch. I wiped the kitchen windows. I washed out the recycling bin.

He did get in the car when it was time to leave. He acquiesced to a water bottle, but no food. We listened to iPod in silence during the drive. I felt drained already.

I taught my class. 11 yo is in my class, and he was super jittery the entire time: pacing, touching, blurting things out. I find teaching exciting and draining, even if it's just middle school chemistry to five homeschool kids. My mom called in the middle. We have been taking coop classes on Wednesdays for six years, but she still called when I was teaching.

Then I assisted in another class. 11 yo freaked out about a forgotten password, then he recalled it. I helped paint some rocks. I had lunch. I chatted with other moms, all the while keeping an eye on the clock for the afternoon carpool. 11 yo came over to graze. He had a few crackers. I tried to pretend that it is normal to skip breakfast and lunch, nothing to worry about.

I left at 2 pm. 11 yo seemed agreeable to finding something to eat at home while I would drive carpool. I meekly suggested that he look over his schoolwork and see if he can do anything on his own. I dropped him off and zoomed to preschool to get 2 yo. She was sleeping, and sleepily transferred to her car seat. Then we zoomed onto the highway to get the rest of the kids from their school.

By some sheer miracle (and the existence of people more organized than I) I am part of a carpool where I have to drive only 2-3 times a week instead of 10 times. However, since there are six kids loading into my car, it is never smooth. These ones do not want to sit with those. That one is touching this one. This one is eating. That one is sort of trying to say a bad word while talking about it. These ones are just annoying. That one is loud. And they all have been cooped up in the school building since 8 am and now they are set loose in my car. I used to talk to my kids when we drive places. I used to think they were loud. But this is a whole new level.

But today was not bad. Today they even loaded quickly enough for the carpool lady not to hustle anyone. I had same iPod going and as long as it was playing, they seemed quiet. I checked my messages to see who is dropped off where today. Mind you, it is 4 pm now and I have been driving since 2.

We get home. 13 yo and 7 yo change into their bathing suits for swimming. Years ago, when I just started homeschooling, the boys tried out for a swim team and were not able to swim enough to qualify. Now it is a whole different story. We live a five-minute walk from the JCC. There are no major streets to cross. 13 yo is legally old enough to babysit. But JCC apparently has a rule that he is not old enough to be 7 yo's guardian while she is attending swim practice. They are not just splashing in the pool, they are attending an organized class, but they need to be watched by a legal; guardian. So they cannot walk over there and back on their own, and they cannot be left there unsupervised while they are swimming. I am very upset by this. Have I known this, I probably would not have signed 7 yo up. 13 yo is old enough to get there and back on his own. And I wonder: we keep complaining how kids nowadays are so ill-adapted to independent living, how millennials are such spoiled brats, how they don't know how to be tough. Why do we set up such rules in place that keep kids on a short parental leash for so long? How are large families supposed to manage this? I tried bringing my younger kids to practice, but it is no fun keeping 2 yo for half an hour away from the pool's edge. Besides. she was just in the car for over an hour. All she wants to do is come home, chill and play.

My only solution was to ask 11 yo if he so kindly would not mind watching his two younger siblings at home while I watched his two older siblings at the pool, twice a week. He agreed, but today both younger siblings disagreed. I ended up shoving two older kids out to the door, leaving 11 yo in charge of two screaming kids. If you want to feel mom guilt, do that, especially after spending zero time with the babies the whole day.

After the pool, faster, faster, let's get home, I know the little ones were storming the pantry before I left. I have not been home since 9 am, so there is no dinner because there was no time for the dinner. But never fear, we are going to eat out tonight at a new Israeli restaurant because that's the best I could come up with. As we are getting in the car to drive that ridiculously short distance home, 11 yo called me to hurry up because 2 yo did not stop crying the entire time I was gone.

I bitterly commented how I need more grown-ups in my life, so I am not leaving an 11 yo in braces pain in charge of two screaming kids. 13 yo wryly commented how he used to be that 11 yo. Yes, kid, we have been making do for years. It is sad when kids have to step up and function as adults.

I am greeted at the doorstep by a teary 2 yo clutching her blankie next to her big brother. 4 yo is freaking out that this new restaurant will not have hot dogs and what he will eat then? The rest of the food is "yucky". It does not take a supersleuth to figure out that he did not nap today, that he's tired, that the last thing he wants is to go out to eat instead of snuggling on the couch with mommy. But there is no dinner, and I am not serving noodles yet again.

The new restaurant was a bright spot. Even my husband made it home on time to come with us. The food was plentiful and good, they had schnitzel for 4 yo, 11 yo was able to chew and get mashed potatoes. The rebbitzen of the community invited us out for Succot lunch. Yay for procrastination! One less meal to plan for!

And then my husband got called up, And then we got home at 7 pm. 7 yo had twenty minutes of nightly reading log. 4 yo went back into full meltdown mode, and I was trying to manage the kids from the couch while half-listening to my daughter read. It is clicking, but it is still slow. Both boys were reading fluently and for pleasure at this age. She still does so little functional reading that I had to point out the kids' section on the menu. I am also thinking how this mandatory reading is not helping move things along, but, being a conscientious student, she dutifully reads every night.

After I finished and tucked in the three youngers, I did two more sections from Hilchot Teshuva with 11 yo. That was the only schoolwork that we did today.

It is 9:30. 11 yo is still up. I packed lunches. I am defrosting chicken for erev yom kippur and for kids to eat on Yom Kippur.

I just want to go and kick back with a book. But most of all, I want to arrive at the nighttime not mindlessly tired.

babies can wait

A friend invited us over to swim with her family. I have never taken all four kids swimming, so I was a bit nervous, especially since the boys like to go deep, and 4 yo does not know how to swim. I figured that I will bring a stroller for 1 yo and strap him in as need be.

When we got to the pool, the boys took off, 4 yo stayed close to the side and I tried entering the water holding 1 yo. He did not like it. He screamed and tried scrambling to the top of my head. He did not want to be in the water. I waited a bit and tried again. No such luck; this child was adamant about not being immersed, not even sitting next to me on a shallow step. He climbed out and sat outside the pool.

A flashback: many years ago, when my oldest was one, we were also invited to a pool, and he also refused to get into the water. I spent an hour trying to get him in, and he just would not do it. I was so frustrated, sitting next to him on the edge and unable to submerge in the pool, to swim. I waited and waited, coaxed and coaxed, but nothing came out of it. I was frustrated to the point of tears: here is a chance to be in the pool, and you are not taking it!

Many years have passed. 10 yo got over whatever fear or discomfort he had. He swims, dives and enjoys himself. My other kids did not pause before entering water, so I forgot that a pool could be something novel and potentially scary. 1 yo reminded me that each kid is different, and he is in no mood to get in there and get wet.

Myself, being older and wiser, I did not push him. I sat him down on the edge, next to the shallow entry steps. I sat nearby in the water. 4 yo was taking turns with her friend practicing kicking and swimming. My friend kindly took her out into water and brought her back, so I could just sit next to the baby and watch him.

After some time, he reached with his hands and splashed a bit. Then he took a long water gun and swung it back and forth in the water, all the while safely sitting on the side. Then he reached in with one foot. Finally, I saw him turn around and try to climb into the pool. At this point I tried holding him on my lap while sitting in the water, but he clambered back out. He was doing this on his terms, not mine, and he did not need my assistance.

After another little while, he turned around again and again climbed slowly onto a shallow step. He stood there for a minute, and then decided to sit down in the water. After that, somehow he got comfortable and now I really had to watch him, as he was interested in going deeper. I was able to take him into water with me.

All of this process took over an hour. I do not know what he was thinking, or why he had to take that long to get into the water. What I do know is that there was no need to rush him to "just do it already."

How often at the park I see parents pushing their kids to just do this swing (and the child is screaming in fear), or go down this slide, or just ride their bike. I have the urge to walk over and tell them that the kids will do all these fun things one day, when they are ready, but this day might not be today.

I wonder if the same holds true for 8 yo's writing: maybe one day he will be able to sit down and write, but that day will not be on my schedule.

good old American fun

Today I took 8 yo to Six Flags. He did "Read to Succeed", a reading program in which, once the kids document six hours of reading over the course of many months, they get a free ticket to a nearby Six Flags park. We did it two years ago, with multiple reminders from me. Last year, both boys failed to record their reading hours. They read more than six hours in any given week, but they kept on not writing down what they've read. This year, 8 yo wrote down his reading, while 10 yo did not. He got multiple reminders and even a deadline extension by a week (from the program, not from me), but he still could not get his act together and write down what he was reading. Being a mean mommy, I did not get him the ticket. He was very disappointed, and he kept coming up with different schemes of how to go, including using his allowance money to buy his ticket, but I said that I will not allow him to buy something he should have earned.

So today was 8 yo's day. Additionally, he got to spend it all with me, one-on-one (my MIL came over for the whole day to watch the other kids). I have not been to an amusement park to be amused in a very long time. First, 4 yo was too young to go on any rides. Then I had to wait with her while everyone had fun. Then I had to watch her. Then I was pregnant. In short, I have not had good American fun in years.

In high school, we used to go to the local amusement park often. I loved the water park, the roller coasters, the hanging out. Today was a brief recapture of those carefree days. Before I left for the park, my MIL asked incredulously whether I am planning to go on any rides. I said, of course. As we were going down a log flume, getting splashed and yelling, I thought, that is the kind of mom I am, the one who will get down with her kids to have fun. We did another water ride and then we got to the new water park, the main thing that 8 yo wanted to do. It has a shallow entry lagoon, with waves and tubes to float on. We jumped some waves, splashed, and then I plopped in a chair, warm in the sunshine. 8 yo stayed in the waves, somewhere in the depths of the lagoon. I relaxed, for the first time in months. I did not keep a close eye on 8 yo, but I knew he would not leave the area without me. Whether that makes me a slacker mom, or a relaxed mom is up to you.

When 8 yo had enough of the waves, we went on the water slides. He helped me carry the tubes to the top, and we floated down together. He was so pleasant, so agreeable, and so happy. He also noticed that the lighter the load of the tube, the higher it splashed up the zero gravity slide (and the heavier the log, the bigger splash it produced at the end). He was obviously paying attention to details, soaking in info, drawing conclusions. There was also a bit of a discussion on centrifugal force, and I will lie if I will say that I initiated it, or carried it on. He wondered aloud how many logs it will take before our turn. I jumped at that one, asking him to guess (estimate). He said that he does not want to. Learning and education happen on his terms, not on mine.

As an aside, I should mention that the reason I enjoyed the water park and the wet rides so much had to do with (finally) getting appropriate swimwear for myself. I use a regular bathing suit with Lands' End long sleeve rashguard T-shirt and skirt/pants from Princess swim wear. All material is swimsuit fabric, so it is not heavy and it is meant to get wet and dry quickly. I even got a swimmer's cap, but a tichel does just fine when no real swimming is happening, and it is light enough to dry in the sun.

The last water park ride that we did was to walk to the top of a playground and slide down water slides. There we had to go one at a time. Right next to the entrance of a slide a small boy was standing, shivering. Some older boys said that he is looking for his mommy. Right before my eyes, the lifeguard who was controlling traffic on top made the boy sit down and slide down the slide, with me going next. That slide was scary! It was pitch-black on the top, with water shooting down, and it was long. I actually happened to slow down in the middle, and a person overshot me, apologizing. When I got to the bottom and got my bearings, I saw the same small kid standing next to the exit of the slide. I approached him and tried asking whether he is looking for his mommy and whether I should help him. I did not want to grab his hand until he understood what I was planning to do. Finally he agreed to go with me. I tried approaching another lifeguard, who just offered to contact his supervisor. Luckily, at that moment the boy's mother appeared, distraught, and apologetic. He was supposed to be with somebody else, and then he got lost. I totally sympathize with her: unless the kids are on a leash, in a large space like that someone is bound to get separated.

After this whole experience, I wonder whether this boy will develop fear of the dark, or fear of heights, or of water parks, or of life guards. I wonder whether I should have done something at the top of a slide, but I could not imagine that a life guard would just shove a small kid down a slide to get him off his hands. In a bigger way, I wonder how our kids get treated in a larger world. Is everyone nice and thoughtful and kind, or are people mean and short-tempered and your kid just gets in the way?

After the water park, we went to bumper cars. 8 yo said that he will ride on his own. I saw that he had trouble with his car, causing a traffic jam. I saw that people kept on telling him to turn the steering wheel all the way to the right and then gun it, to get out. I saw that he was not listening. I kept my mouth shut about the whole experience. Either he will get better next time, or he will ride with someone.

Our last two activities were a metal chain carousel and a roller coaster. Right as the carousel took off and started looping, my stomach let me know that I am not fifteen any more. I just closed my eyes and tried to relax. No such luck. Moreover, then 8 yo asked me to come with him on a nearby roller coaster. I said that he could go on his own, but he wanted company. There was no wait, so we got on pretty quickly. This was one major ride, with big drops and multiple loops. When it was over, I was not sure how I will walk, let alone drive us home. I was thinking back to all the grown-ups from my high school days: how were THEY able to ride and not lose their lunch?

Finally, the earth solidified somehow, and I calmed down enough to drive us home. 8 yo proudly announced that he went on that last roller coaster for his brother; to say that he tried it, but it was a bit too much. He also confessed that he kept his eyes shut the whole ride. I find it amusing that his brother was able to control him even in his absence.

hiking

Stone Mountain

This morning I boldly decided to join a hiking group for their weekly hike. I have been an online member for a yer, drooling over great descriptions of great places they go to. In my defense, they hike on Wednesday mornings, the time we had homeschool coop classes. So I figured that summer would be the perfect opportunity to try this out.

We drove to the hike's location: Stone Mountain Park. There we met a whole new bunch of hikers/homeschoolers. The rules for the hike were pretty simple: stay on the trail, stay with the group, wait for everyone at the fork of the trail, listen to any grown-up. The hike itself was in the shady wood, at the former site of 1996 Olympic target shooting and cycling venue. The stadiums were dismantled afterwards. The boys went ahead with the group and I walked with 2 yo. There were tons of mushrooms on the path, all different shapes and colors and kinds. She stopped and pointed out them all. She also saw every root, branch and overturned tree. Some of those were blocking our path so we had to climb over them. There were a few bridges and some stones to hop on. We ended up being a tail of the group. I brought a baby carrier for her ( for those curious, Ergo), but she preferred the freedom of walking. She walked over a mile on a 2 mile hike and would have kept at it, were we not so far behind everyone else.

We caught up to the boys back at the parking lot. There, a frog was discovered inside a pipe and a frog rescue commenced. Inside another pipe, a black widow was spotted. It seemed to me that all kids in that group knew what a black widow looked like. My 6 yo sat down for a minute to have his juice box and then jumped up in pain: a fire ant bit him behind the knee. He was jumping and yelling. One of the women had homeopathic drops with her and she offered to give them to reduce the stinging. I figured that by now, any psychological trick would do. (Kashrut-wise, it should not be a problem, whatever's in there is diluted beyond batel beshishim and probably till the Jupiter's orbit anyway.) Then she offered drops for stress; I joked that I should be the one taking them. Whichever way, he calmed down.

a frog in distress (supposedly)

Monarch

Black Widow

Then we drove further with the group, till a wading area. where they were planning to have lunch and wade. I brought lunch, but not changes of clothes. Sadly, I told kids to wear sneakers, knowing that we'll be hiking, so they had to take off socks and everything. Wading while keeping clothes dry does not work, especially when you are playing sharks and mosasaurs. At least the day was quite hot, so they were not shivering when they got out.

Wading fully clothed: my mistake

Much better

Building a castle with a moat with a new friend

 On our way out of the park, we saw a deer crossing the road. The boys identified it as white-tailed deer.

deer crossing

We had a lovely outdoor day, and I am looking forward to more great hikes.

lots of exercise

Today was bowling and swimming lessons. We are signed up for kids bowl free, a program which allows your kids bowl two games every day at a participating bowling center for free. You pay for the shoe rental, but the games are covered. This year, I got a parent pass add-on, so I can also bowl.

I decided on the spur of the moment to take them bowling. This time, it was bumpers all the way. Surprisingly,  2yo bowled the second highest score on our first game, with 4 spares! Way to go, girl! She was using that little contraption which allows balls to slide down the lane, but one of my sons was using that, too, and he did not have the same success rate. What I liked the most about bowling was the good-natured sportsmanship the boys were exhibiting, even though it was competitive: high-fiving each other on the spares, cheering on, wishing good luck. They were not as nice towards me... but that's because I was in the lead. The second game, however turned around. I scored one measly spare the whole game, while all the kids got at least one spare. 8 yo won that one.

Today was also the first day of swimming lessons. We took them last year, but, for some reason, they placed the boys together and that was the undoing of 6 yo, he refused to swim, was scared to lie down on his back, and spent a few sessions kicking and screaming on the sidelines. This year, i made sure they were in different groups, as they should, since they have different skill levels. It was also 8 yo secret dream to be able to make a swim team. The boys were excited to get into their swimming suits, but even more so for their new Costco goggles. I got a 3-pack and they spent weeks obsessing over who will get which pair. When I opened it up, it turned out that one pair was too big, so they made do with the other two.

They boys joined their groups and I observed 6 yo enthusiastically jump right in, ask for extra practice turns and be in good spirits in general. 8 yo worked on the kickboard. I sat in the baby pool with 2 yo, who wandered around. I will try to remember to bring some water toys next time, which is tomorrow.

I was also surprised to see that whole families were coming in, both parents with the kids. This was 4:15, still standard work day. I kept thinking to myself, what kind of work/schedule do they have that they have the luxury to attend kids' swim lessons together? I am so used to doing everything alone.

When the lesson was over and I successfully extracted all three kids from the pool and got them home, there was the laundry dilemma: do I wash the bathing suits and towels? Hang them to dry? DO I wash the   kids? rinse them? Use shampoo? I have two weeks of everyday lessons and I need to work out  a plan to keep my sanity.

What do you do?