A reminder to myself that there are good days

Yesterday was irrevocably rotten, so rotten that I did not even had energy to post about it.

Today my husband took the three older kids to shul for shacharit and then to Publix for bagels and to Starbucks for hot chocolate. It's a new thing: when he makes it to shacharit, he brings 9 yo, but now the others like to tag along. Once in a while he gets then this breakfast out. Meanwhile, my adorable little baby decided to make up for the absence of siblings by requiring as much attention as three kids. Somehow I got myself and him through breakfast. He was so cranky that I tucked him in for a nap before the older ones got back.

They unloaded the dishwasher, and then I sat the boys down and told them that we will do four school items today: two before co-op classes and two after. I asked to do Chumash first, since the baby was sleeping and it was quiet. 7 yo went first: he is almost done with Lech Lecha. We are finishing up with Bright Beginnings, but he is getting more comfortable with the vocabulary and I can even cover up English and he tries to translate on his own. The exercises are a piece of cake. His reading has also improved. He zoomed through it, did the exercises and listened to baal koreh. 9 yo came next, with a bit of resistance. We are finishing up Schem and Dina and we are up to the pasuk where Shimon and Levi plunder the city. After he read and translated, he asked me whether it was right for them to kill everybody. I asked him what he would have done and he said, just kill Schem and Hamor. I asked him to think of some advantages and disadvantages of this plan. Ultimately, he said that they were not right, and because of this they did not receive a bracha from Yakov.

Then we did megilla. 7 yo threw a small tantrum that he is not doing megillah; it is too hard. I let him be. 9 yo was finishing third perek. Conveniently, the word for plunder and children reappeared here in the same form as in his Chumash, so he was able to translate that part. By now I suspect that he has the story memorized in English, so he was fill in the unfamiliar words based on what they should mean. It is also possible that doing megilla third time around is easy (this kid also has amazing memory).

The baby woke up and we rushed to the co-op. This was the second week of classes. 3 yo is taking Beasts and Botany class, where she plants and draws. Her second class is art exploration; more drawing and craft projects. 7 yo is taking Amazing Space and Battles and Weapons, taught by yours truly. 9 yo is taking Spark talks ( similar to TED talks, a public speaking class) and Battles and Weapons. I help out in the toddler room the first hour and teach the second. It is a crazy schedule, it is hectic, and the class that I am teaching is not something I am naturally interested in. However, by now I read so much about all different military equipment and strategies, that I am semi-enthusiastic.

Last week we learned about hoplites of Alexander the Great and talked a bit about the Battle of Gaugamela. This week we reviewed the hoplite armor and made a full-sized suit. There are 5 kids in a class, so everyone got to participate. We traced a hula hoop on cardboard for a shield and then decorated it. I got a long skinny PVC pipe and we attached a metal cone to make it into a spear. The kids designed body armor by themselves and figured out how to tape it together so it would hold. Finally, we made the helmet: I had a plastic hard hat, to which we attached cheek flaps and a face shape, with cut-outs for eyes. Some kids worked on cutting pipe cleaners and making them into a crest. All in all, we got a nice set of hoplite armor. The kids took turns trying it on.

By this point, the baby had more that enough of the co-op, so we left for home. The baby fell asleep in the ar and transferred to his crib, thank G-d. I was able to have a quiet lunch with the kids and then we moved on with out school work. It was not all smooth: 7 yo still resisted doing megilla, but ended up doing it just fine. He read the fourth perek in English and then we sat together and he read fill-in-the-blank Hebrew page. 9 yo had to redo some of his grammar and math. I am using a small paperback for grammar, and I am not very impressed with it, but it is assuaging "mommy guilt" for not teaching my child formal English instruction. In math we are doing geometry, specifically triangles. He had to draw a few, with specified angles, and he kept trying to draw them without a ruler. I had to bring him back to fix his work.

7 yo did a review in math. He finished the first unit of 3rd grade Math Mammoth. He has no difficulty with it whatsoever. Funny kid: second grade Math Mammoth was too much, but now third grade is no problem.

Then we went to taekwondo. My in-laws came in and watched the two youngers while I took the boys. I went to the farmer's market while the boys were exercising. When we got home, I finished putting the dinner together. It was a hit: crock pot salami in tomato sauce, fried polenta slices, and broccoli slaw. We washed the younger ones and I put the baby to sleep. My husband tucked in the older kids. Now they have "Moishy story": he is telling them Yetsiat Mitzrayim in a funny way ( Moishy could not say: Moishy sells sheep by the seashore because of a lisp; Moishy's staff is called stickosaurus; Paro is in DeNial). All of a sudden, after years of kids always clamoring for mommy, it is daddy and his stories that they want.

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I have been hard on myself lately: I am not doing any Jewish learning, I keep missing class opportunities, I dropp my Nach Yomi. The other day I realized: I am learning a lot. I am doing the entire Breshit with Rashi with 9 yo (I have to read all the Rashi to select the ones that I find good for explaining p'shat difficulties), I am reviewing Lech Lecha, I am doing Megillah and Mishna Pesachim. I do not have control over what I am learning, but I am learning along with my kids.

priorities

There is a bag of mulch sitting on my front lawn. It is about 15 feet away from a mailbox where a tomato plant is growing. I put down weed barrier, planted the tomato, but did not get around to spreading mulch on top. This bag is sitting there for the past two weeks. The weeds are poking through the sides of the weed barrier. I gaze at them guiltily every time I drive anywhere. I simply do not have time to spread this mulch around.

According to my 7 yo, today was a great day. I concur: no tantrums, no major fights. What did we do?

I had a dental cleaning, but before I left, I asked boys what they would like to put down on the schedule today. They both surprised me. 9 yo chose spelling, which we have not done since the birth of the baby, Story of the World and art. I added in Chumash without any resistance. 7 yo chose art (draw a Pokemon step-by-step) and Story of the World. I asked him whether we can just finish up math and he agreed to that, too.

When I came back, the boys finished davening and were building with Legos. 3 to asked for Barney, so I set her up and called up the boys to work. They both started with art and drew two Pokemon while I nursed. Then 7 yo got frustrated with drawing and brought some library books to read. We read about Aztecs ( You Wouldn't Want to Be An Aztec Sacrifice!) and about Roman geese. 9 yo joined us to listen.

Then 7 yo surprised me: he brought First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind and asked how come we are not doing this and could we do this today instead of math? I agreed. It is easy since the lesson is scripted. We did the first two. He already memorized the poem and got what is a noun. Moreover, then he felt good that he finished all his schoolwork super-quick.

I was just rereading The Well-Trained Mind and that was making me jittery. The assumption behind a lot of work recommended there is that a child will not naturally choose to do hard things, but needs to be led to them and pushed, for his own good. Basically, spare the rod, spoil the child. It is on the opposite extreme of unschooling, where the premise is that a child will pick his own schoolwork in areas which hold his interest and learn it deeply.

I am conflicted about all of this.

9 yo finished the perek in Toldot. This was also his initiative: he wanted to finish the perek today and review everything tomorrow. He also had one page left in his chumahs notebook, so, all of a sudden, he is writing out all the words, to finish it up. I think he did 8 pesukim today.

Serendipitously, we were learning how Eisav was plotting to kill Yaakov at the same time as we read about Romulus killing Remus. I drew the parallel and said how Eisav is Edom, which is Rome. We also spoke a bit about the personalities of brothers. Now this is what I love about homeschooling: these connections arise because I know what he is learning in other subjects.

After lunch, we tackled spelling. 9 yo was taking a mid-level test and did not do so well on it. Moreover, he misspelled the words from the same rule families that he misspelled last time, two months ago. We will have to work a bit on that.

Once we finished, we loaded the bikes onto our new bike rack and drove to the park. That's when 7 yo remarked that he is having a great day. Then we had salami sandwiches for dinner, and again he gushed about how good of a day this is. Finally, when I tucked the boys in, yet again he brought it up. I am just so relieved to see this kid happy and believing in himself that he can get his schoolwork done quickly.

People come before things. That bag of mulch will have to wait.

When life gives you lemons...

Striking a pose like the clay figure in the back

The day  started with 8 yo complaining that his stomach hurts and then throwing up. Of course, this had to happen on a day when coop was taking a field trip to the local museum to look at Ancient Egypt artifacts. However, afterwards, he totally rallied, ate quite a breakfast and was bouncing on the bed after completing Rosetta Stone. So we went to the museum.

There is a problem when your kids keeps arguing with the docent about the displays. I am used to that in science museums, but this is a first in a history/art setting. I wished he would talk less and listen more, but this is my bias. I was brought up with the attitude that an older person has more knowledge, so you shut up and listen. He has guts? ego? self-confidence to think otherwise and to express his opinions and knowledge.

I brought a baby carrier for the toddler, I learned my lesson from chasing an overtired kid in Museum of Natural History. Only I'm not sure whether I gained anything, as most of the time it was "Pick me up! Put me on your back! I want down! Carry me!" However, even she enjoyed looking at Greek statues and wondering where the heads and arms went. Then we entered Central America and there were pots with feet. There she also looked for missing heads. Bottom line, the boys enjoyed the trip and I got suckered into buying everyone a scarab in the gift shop, although I milked it, making 8 yo calculate how much money I spent on those three scarabs.

Watching tree cutting

On the 7 minute car ride back. the scarabs were relating their journey to each other in squeaky voices: "I'm glad to be out of that basket. This street looks familiar. Remember coming here on a truck?" I decided to make this into a creative writing assignment when we come home.

When we got home, the neighbors were having a tree cut down. There was a man, 30 feet up a tree with spikes on his boots and a chainsaw. They boys camped out in the backyard to watch. They even asked for picnic lunch, so that they would not miss any action.

I assumed that would be the end of schoolwork for today, but they came in when the tree people went for lunch.

8 yo did spelling. He filled in more dates on his timeline and marked off Egyptian epochs ( his idea). He did Lashon HaTorah and then we did Chumash. I talked it up into a mystery saying that he already dealt with the same story in Lech Lecha, and the end was the same, but the details were different. We did first four pesukim of perek Chav. He translated two pesukim without any help. We discussed that Avimelech got a nevuah but paroh didn't. However, what he was most interested in was the map of where Avraham traveled. His Chumash has one in the back. I found it interesting to see where Tzoar was: it is surrounded on one side by mountains and on the other side by the Dead Sea. No wonder Lot's daughters felt that there are no people left in the world.

6 yo wrote a short song about his scarab and did Lama without much drama.


In the afternoon, we picked up some friends, watered our plants. They kids played outside. Then everyone made pizza for dinner. Ice cream for dessert, then group benching. Even 2 yo can do the first paragraph now and she tries to say brachot before eating. Some drumming before baths, some element watching before bed. Book reading. Discovering that 8 yo threw up in bed instead of toilet this morning. Unexpected laundry.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

nearly perfect

Last morning was the new round of coop classes. I signed up for set-up duty, which means that now we have to be there half an hour earlier. I did not realize it will be during the week when we change clocks. So, last morning, at 7:30, as I was trying to wake my boys up, I was informed that they are planning a play about gazelles and hunters, which involves scissors, cardboard, rubber bands and K'NEX. This would have been fine any other morning...

You know the day when your kids claim to love every class, everyone behaves, the weather is gorgeous, you make it to the zoo, and when you finally come home, the kids just can't wait to get started on their Ancient Egypt dioramas? Well, yesterday was one of those days.

If yesterday was nearly perfect homeschooling day out, today was nearly perfect homeschooling day in. During my breakfast, 5 yo brought over an illustrated copy of Alice and we read the first chapter. The kids both started next unit of Rosetta Stone. 7 yo happily received next volume of Story of the World. We did timeline for the first volume which involved measuring, drawing a straight line with a ruler, marking off intervals, figuring how many years will fit on each page, multiplication and division by 10. I have hard time classifying it all as a subject. Then he started putting in a bunch of dates, and when I asked whether it's enough for today, he just wanted to keep on going, even after he realized that some dates were not correctly marked and had to be fixed. While he was working on that project, 5 yo finished reading The Cat in the Hat Comes Back. I read some history to him, which had to do with ancient Egypt. Just perfect for his Egypt class and for upcoming Pesach. We read how Nile floods and farmers depended on it. We also read how Egyptians worshipped the paroh, because they thought he had control over flooding Nile. I read to him the Osiris myth. Then I explained why it was important that the first plague affected Nile: to show that paroh is not in control and to makes Egyptians worry about their livelihood.

Then we did math. 5 yo got to play with base ten blocks and I saw now that he does get the concept of place value. He was able to trade successfully and pull out the right amount of blocks. Whew! He also got the play with them by creating a house for his baby Zhu Zhu.

Then I did megillah with 7 yo. We read first three pesukim of 5th perek. I explained the setup of Achashverosh sitting and Esther approaching in the doorway and him being stunned by her appearance. 7 yo translated bakashatech as asking; I explained that it was a request. He wondered why she did not ask for the Jewish people then. Then, in the next pasuk, he got that Esther is making a meal for "him", the king, but she is also inviting Haman. Then the boys wanted to act this scene out. 5 yo was Achashverosh, a flip-flop was the scepter, 7 yo was the palace guard with an iguana as a sword. I got to be Esther.

Now, thinking back about it, it is strange that 7 yo didn't want to be Achashverosh. I guess he's not being held in high regard, royal status aside.

Then, after lunch, 7 yo did math. I got the scale with pounds and ounces and we went back over the measurements that he previously estimated. But the surprise came when there was a review problem, 61-56. He borrowed a 10 from 6, but recorded it as a 10, not as 11. At that point, I pulled out those blocks and made him do it again. He saw the discrepancy, but could not figure out why. I showed it to him again. Then I gave him a block of two-digit subtraction problems. He did those fine, but none had 1 in the ones. I gave him another one, 31-15, and he again forgot about 1 in the ones! His school teacher claimed that he was doing very well in math... he got the concept, but something like this slipped through.

7 yo flew through Lashon Hatorah. I will have to get him new workbooks when we'll be up in New York. I am thinking about getting them for 5 yo too.

Then we did spelling, which was review today. He got a bit discouraged that he got any words wrong. Then we did art, which today involved looking for lines and movement in sculptures. I Googled Greek sculptures, and he enjoyed both looking for movement and trying to identify who's portrayed without reading the captions.

5 yo did Handwriting Without Tears quickly and then stumbled in Lama. He wanted me to sit next to him. He wanted to take a rest. He wanted me to write it for him. I said I would write one line, if he tells me what goes there. He wanted me to go away and to make a surprise for me. Then he was just lying there, moping.

Then we picked up some friends and the kids had a playdate. At some point, I went into the backyard to dump out composting and to turn the pile. Eventually, all kids ended up outside. 7 yo declared that he will do weeding, not because anyoen is forcing him, but to make the yard look nice. Wel,, the way our yard looks now, I could use a whole lot of cats and a VOOM!

laundry and control

Today was laundry day. A lot of laundry day. Mounds and mounds of laundry day. I started last night, but when you have 5-6-7 loads, it is a slow affair.

Last night, 7 yo had a sleepover at a friend's house. 5 yo was not pleased, to put it mildly. So this morning, I only had two kids at home. And mounds of laundry. I decided to ask 5 yo to help me fold towels. I showed him how to fold them in thirds one way and then in thirds the other way. He did a few. I showed him how to fold pants; he said he already knows how to fold them. He put away the clothes that he folded. And I was still left with slightly smaller mounds of laundry.

Laundry is my last area of control. Before kids, I loved doing laundry. I liked clean feel of warm clothes, straight from the dryer. I liked perfectly aligned corners of towels, shirts folded like in a store, perfectly matched socks, each pair neatly tucked. Now I dread laundry. The reasons: there is a whole lot more of it. The hampers are never empty. Kids's shirts do not stay folded neatly. Boys occasionally stick in clean clothes into laundry (it falls on the floor and then it ends up in the hamper).

Why am I not delegating laundry?

Why do I still care about perfectly aligned corners?

Why am I not letting go?

My 5 yo is perfectly capable of folding towels. They will be clean; they will be in the right spot, they just won't look like we live in a hotel. The rest of my house does not look like a hotel; moreover, I do not want it looking like a hotel; why don't I relinquish control here?

Moving onto the bigger picture: 7 yo finished reading Story of the World on his own. I was planning to read it with him together, stop after every chapter, discuss, supplement, etc. Now that he read it, and keeps on rereading it on his own, there is a controlling part of me which feels that I have not done a good job here. It wants me to believe that the only way to provide a child with knowledge is to process it first, with adult's presence and assistance. Deep down, I am worried that now he has more history at his fingertips than I. Deep down, I am worried that he has been presented with history from a different perspective than I would agree with. Deep down, I want to be viewed as a source of his knowledge, not just as a passive facilitator. Deep down, I have a controlling issue.

I am taken back to my childhood. As quite a few Russian families, we had 10 volume set of Children's Encyclopedia, in an unforgettable burnt orange binding. This encyclopedia was published in the 50s, with a strong communist perspective. I was reading it in the 80s. It was outdated. It was biased. But it allowed me to choose which areas of knowledge I was interested in. Over the years, I could read up more about those areas. I was able to correct original misconceptions. But I was able to get knowledge on my own. I cannot imagine how it would have gone, were someone to sit me down and say: " Let's read this chapter, then discuss the misconceptions and then  my opinion on the subject". I would have lost desire to read!

So I have to let go. My kid might get a biased view of history. My laundry's imperfect condition might make me cringe. But my kids' desire to do more because they do it on their own will soar.