A day trip to Chattanooga aquarium

I had all the kids home with me last week. We were talking about different things to do and Chattanooga Aquarium came up. We have been there once, almost four years ago, and I have much fonder memories of it than of our local overpriced and super-commercialized aquarium.

So this morning I woke up (after the baby has been sleeping through the night for the past week) and when one of the boys asked whether we can drive to Chattanooga today, I said: "Why not?" And just like that, we had breakfast, packed up lunch and a diaper bag, and set out. By "we" I mean myself and five kids. My husband had to work. I joked with him how I really need to go to farmer's market and Costco this week, but I much rather drive to an aquarium two hours away that go through the store with my crew.

On the way there, we finished listening to "The Dragon Rider" by Cornelia Funke. We started on the way to and from the homeschool conference, but since we have to intersperse music for the younger kids, books on CDs take a while. 3 yo's new favorite CD is Frog Trouble by Sandra Boynton, another library find. At least Sandra Boynton CDs are not annoying when played frequently, something that I can't say about Raffi or Wiggles.

I brought an umbrella stroller for the baby, a backpack cooler with lunch for 12 yo to carry, and a diaper bag. When we got to Chattanooga, we had lunch first and then entered the first building of the aquarium. I kept on thinking about the gorilla incident and the angry chorus how animals should not be displayed. And then I saw how much my younger kids, 6 yo and 3 yo, who have not been to the zoo in the past year, or any other place with animal exposure, picked up from seeing live birds, fish, and mammals. How can one teach a 3 yo to be brave enough to plunge his hand into cold water and pet a stingray? How can I give my daughter the experience of discovery that stingray feels like jello and she can reach in and touch it? How can they learn what a butterfly walking across one's face feels like? How else my 3 yo will discover excitedly that penguins "fly" underwater? That he can use two fingers to feel the scales of a cornsnake?

We had a great time. Nobody ran off, nobody got lost, nobody cried. 3 yo even didn't have any accidents, and the baby stayed awake and relatively happy the whole time. And I kept thinking: this is what a good homeschooling day feels like. This is what I love doing with my wild and crazy bunch: drive them to a cool place, get all excited about it, see them get all excited, and watch as they ask each other about what they liked the most. 

Before we headed back, the kids asked about Ben and Jerry's corner store right next to the parking garage. I said that I will take a look at their prices. When you have five kids, getting everyone a scoop gets expensive very quickly, not to mention that we already spent money on gas and parking and admission (technically membership since I am planning to get there again). When I ducked into the store ( more accurately, as we spilled into the store) and I saw their prices, I felt ready to leave. Enter 12 yo, the rationalist: "If I split a cup with my brother, and sister splits a cup with 3 yo and you get a small cup for yourself, it is much cheaper than getting everyone a scoop". "Yes, we all all ready to share". Ok then, The older boys ordered their cup, but 3 yo, spoiled by getting his own (free) baby cone at local Bruster's was not inclined to share. So he dropped on the floor, kicking and screaming that he wants his own. The beauty of having so many kids is that it is no longer mortifying. I knew that either he will stop yelling soon and chooses to share, or he will continue yelling and I will take him outside the store without ice cream. Knowing this child, I was betting on the first. Sorry, patrons, but I had to pay for our treat. By the time I paid, he calmed down and chose to sit next to his sister.

We finished our scoops, got in the car, and drove back home.

May I be known as a mom with a messy house and without groceries, but the one who took her kids places that generated happiness.

unstructured learning

We went to a homeschool day at the local nature center. 10 yo did not want to go, had to be practically convinced and dragged over there. The formal programs there leave much to be desired. They are run by a former public school teacher with years and years of experience. All that I see are crowd control techniques: rotate through stations, listen to instructions, do not interrupt.

So why do we keep going back?

8 yo decided to participate in indoor scavenger hunt, looking for images of ten song birds. He had to find them and write them down on a clipboard, then to turn the list in. He worked with a friend, looking and searching, persisting at a task for close to an hour. He also wrote them all down. Was that cheating? Collaboration? Was this writing practice? Sticking to a task? Not giving up in the face of difficulties?

5 yo made a new friend, whom she played with and followed around.

10 yo traded in his fossilized fish bone.

1 yo spent a lot of time looking at a mole snake, watching it slither. Then, just as he was losing interest, one of the employees came with a spray bottle. She opened the exhibit, pulled out the case, lifted the lid, and misted the habitat. I told 1 yo that the snake was getting a shower. He sat in my lap, fascinated. Then she offered to take it out, as long as he wouldn't touch it. He really got a close look at that snake! I asked about the heavy rocks on the lid, and was told that these snakes are very strong and can lift up the lid of the enclosure and escape. We got this close and personal look, totally unplanned.

One thing that I learned from the past three years of homeschooling is that a lot of learning happens in unstructured, "unproductive" moments. Homeschooling is not about advancing through grades, or filling out worksheets, or passing tests. Learning is not quantifiable, but it happens when there is an opportunity for it to happen. If one passively sits and waits for someone to tell them what to learn and what to know, they are guaranteed to fail. They will not remember anything beyond the point of required recall. The point of learning is to "own it", have a stake in it, be interested for its own sake.

Which brings me to my "next year" dilemma. Now I am leaning to sending out the two youngest kids: 5 yo and 1 yo. 5 yo wants to go to school, "to see what it's like", and 1 yo manages to disrupt and destroy faster than I can blink. I know that many homeschool families choose to send kids to preschool until kindergarten age, precisely to be able to focus on the older kids. I also know that 5 yo would be ridiculously easy to homeschool. Today we davened together, and then we did the first lesson from "Derech Bina". I was planning on focusing exclusively on reading, not being sure how much writing she can do (the primer is meant for Hebrew school kids who are in 2nd grade). This girl insisted on doing the writing page, too. And she managed just fine, with some direction. Then, in the afternoon, we doled out allowance. We start at 5, a quarter for each year of age, so she gets a dollar and a quarter. Then we give tzedakah, which is ten percent, so that's 12 cents in her case. I point out the coins for her, let her figure out their value, show her how to make change from the quarter that she gets into dimes and pennies so she can give tzedakah. Then she counts up her dollar bills and we use a hundreds chart to calculate cents. "Can this be my math?" Of course, dear, this is your math, only it is meaningful and useful math. 1 yo gets a penny to put into tzedakah box.

I look at her day, so full, and then I wonder what is the school going to give her that she is not already getting at home. She might end up with a morah who is calmer than a sleep-deprived mommy, yelling at her older brothers. She will get to do more projects, more worksheets. She might get exposed to ways of counting and reading that I am not familiar with. But is all this academic material worth more than having freedom to play for hours, to choose what to learn, and to be with her family?

on simple pleasures

We are done with school, in case anyone is still wondering. 6 yo still didn't finish Lama, and 8 yo still didn't finish Vayeira, but for now, I am letting it be.

Today was the day of simple things which brought a lot of enjoyment. It started with 8 yo rallying for Krispy Kreme. I agreed, on the condition that everyone showers first and he davens. He complied. I don't know what it is about that place that is so motivational-- the sugar for breakfast? the hats? watching the doughnuts being made? --but whatever it is, it surely ranks high on the kids' list of pleasant things to do.

Around noon, we went to the nature center. Our membership expires soon, but I am planning on continuing. 6 yo decided that for his Nature Exchange item, a potter's wasp nest, he will write a report. Granted, his report was one sentence, but it is hard for me to get him to write that one sentence otherwise. He also has to present his items for trade, so he is forced to talk about them, and not just retreat into "I don't know" shell. As soon as the trade was complete, we went outside. We saw some birds of prey and then 6 yo asked to go to the dock. Over there, the boys sat by the water, watching sea weed, tiny fish and turtles. The boys floated magnolia leaves. They used sticks to measure how deep the pond is. They stayed perfectly quiet so the turtles would come closer. 8 yo spotted larger fish on the bottom. I asked whether they are ready to move on, but they were perfectly happy just laying on that dock, staring in the water and talking quietly.

We hiked a trail, climbed over a fallen tree, spotted lots of mushrooms, saw a water snake in another pond. The boys made walking sticks and 2 yo copied. They tested out every rotten log to see whether it will fall apart when struck.

After that, we went over to my in-laws. 6 yo immediately bonded with the cat. (He has something about connecting with animals that my other kids do not. He is not afraid, but he also knows just how to pat them right.) Then they went upstairs to play. 8 yo set up his idea of Risk. Eventually both boys asked for Tom and Jerry. They saw that cartoon a million times by now, but, for some reason, they still laugh every single time.

All the activities were free today, except for the doughnuts. None of these things were particularly educational or extravagant, but each of them was enjoyable on a simple level. I find myself sometimes chasing that "experience of a lifetime" when life simply presents these delightful opportunities.

Another simple pleasure: running with balloons trailing behind.

2 yo is mastering walking on the curb.
While the accomplishment is not great, the satisfaction is high.

typical unschooling day

Thank you, Shoshana, for sharing this:
http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/16/what-a-hands-free-summer-looks-like/

I am very impressed and inspired.  It is also good that the mom sounds like me: very interested in letting go, and very aware how hard it is for her to let go. I especially appreciate the piece at the end which allows one to see HOW letting go happens.

On this note, today we are unschooling. I had a miserable day yesterday, lots of yelling and screaming, both by me and by the kids. I have been thinking about calling the school year over for 6 yo.

Today went much better. First of all, my husband was home the whole day, so that made a huge difference. ( Last night he came home at 2 am, which did not add anything positive to my frazzled state). I went to work out,  came home to kids playing, 2 yo wearing pajamas with rain boots. I asked boys to get dressed, eat breakfast and daven. I told 8 yo that I would like to do chumash before his friends come in the afternoon and offered to do it right away. He wanted to do it after they come. I said, it will be dinnertime. We agreed on doing it while 2 yo napped, and, sure enough, when she went down, he sat with me. We tackled second Rashi (he did one yesterday, his choice). Today, he picked the one on "listen to her (Sarah's) voice". Boy, was he in for surprise! He did not expect to hear that Sarah had higher level nevuah than Avraham. And he remembered the Rashi from yesterday. He also wanted to do Siftei Chachamim--I was not ready for that. All in all, three pesukim today, one Rashi and he pulled out a few shorashim and answered questions.

Over the course of the day:

• I was informed that boys killed a snake, figured out how to squeeze its mouth open, buried it in the backyard to decompose, so they would have a complete skeleton
• 6 yo asked about 400 mile scale on a place-mat and 8 yo used that scale to calculate that there are 1650 miles vertically across US
• our old atlas was compared to even older Mir I Chelovek to a newer map
• the boys made underwater gardens in see-through containers
• 6 yo asked why we recycle and we discussed how reusing is recycling too
• the boys counted how many pits were in each watermelon slice
• I showed 8 yo Rashi on Gemara and how Mishna is inside Gemara
• 8 yo made cardboard boats
• the boys made a marble run, first out of K'NEX, then out of wooden blocks and train tracks. My husband told 8 yo about two angles which are formed by an inclined plane
• the boys got to operate Keurig machine in the bank ( we had some business there, so I bribed them with apple cider for sitting patiently). They noticed where the empty containers got dumped
• the boys noticed a blue bunting on our front lawn
• the stripes on the back of the chipmunk were counted
• the boys watched a Nova documentary on animals and excitedly told me how cuttlefish changes colors

I am probably forgetting something...

Over the course of the past day, I learned Rashi's biography. I found it funny that the most complete and least mystical one was on Wikipedia. 8 yo asked me why did Rashi use a special script, so I looked that up, too. I looked up shemitta and yovel, especially how to count. To see how not intuitive this is, click here. I also liked how today's Rashi tied into p'shat. I have learned that little bit about Sarah's insight so many times, but having to explain it forced me to get a new level of clarity.

letting them be

Give kids space, and they will achieve beyond what you expect.

On Friday we were finally getting attic squirrels evicted. 7 yo watched for a while and then said that since we're taking away their home, he will make them one. He took a cereal box, lined it with grass, stuck pine cones inside and perched it in a pine tree, since squirrels supposedly like pine sap. Afterwards, he got an idea to make our entire house into wildlife rescue center. He took some paper and drew up plans. Our living room was to be a rain forest. My bedroom--tundra. The basement was turning into wetlands. Then he told me he will need misters for rain forest. He got his animal book and sorted which animals could live in which habitat, all the while making lists. All of this took couple of hours. I wanted to do parsha, but his heart obviously was involved in something else. ( we did do parsha and he read and copied short version of 10 commandments too).

Today, my 5 yo got two sheets of stickers. As we are driving, he was demonstrating how he can convert them into different mathematical notations: cross them over for +, take one away for -, hold them parallel for =, turn cross on its side for multiplication, then hold them at one end for "greater than" and reverse for "less than". I would never be able to get him to write all of those down for no reason.

I think I am warming up more and more to unschooling...