So what am I doing with those older boys?
I am calling it a taekwondo/chumash year. They are clearly progressing and achieving in taekwondo. They are earning their belts and stripes, getting stronger, lowering into splits, focusing and performing. As the year goes on, the progress is obvious. I also see that 9 yo grabs an opportunity when he sees one. He asked his teacher to check a certain sparring sequence. 9 yo got it wrong and was sent to practice. That did not deter him from asking to be checked at the next opportunity. He had to be checked three times before he got it right, and days passed in between. But he is focused on getting eligible to test for black belt, so he keeps on practicing.
With our crazy schedule, I make chumash a daily priority. We are in Ki Tisa with 11 yo, right at the golden calf right now. We do five pesukim a day, I ask both boys to prepare before they sit down with me: preread the pesukim and look up any words that they don't know in the dictionary. 11 yo got sneaky and looks up in Rashi instead. If Rashi doesn't comment, he fudges his way through, hoping that I am not paying attention. Meanwhile, I am prereading all the Rashis, just in case he asks a question and Rashi has an answer. This is doing wonders for my Chumash learning. In fact, I highly recommend for anyone who wants to master a particular area to try to teach it to their children: the preparation will force you to slow down and focus on depth. I am starting to appreciate Rashi much more.
11 yo's chumash skills are pretty good. He does moan and groan occasionally, but it is much less than it used to be. I know that he is on the cusp of mastery when we hit a Rashi on mysterious בגדי השרד. Since he didn't look the word up, I sent him to Rashi. I also asked him to pull out מקראות גדולות, to see if anyone else comments. Before I had a chance to sit down with him, he browsed through אבן עזרה and רמבן and told me that he likes אבן עזרה more. He did not even realize that he switched to a chumash without nekudot, and that he was able to do exactly what I was hoping to accomplish: independently look up מפרשים. Of course, this was one time, but it is a clear progression of daily skill acquisition.
9 yo is doing three pesukim a day. We review three previous peskim and then he prepares three new ones. He has hard time using the dictionary, as he keeps on forgetting the words that he already looked up multiple times. In addition. his ability to find shorashim is not so good, and he is afraid of looking up the wrong shoresh, or that a dictionary won't have it. Overall, however, he is at the point where he can scan the Hebrew, but recite the translation. Also, he gets plenty of pesukim that he can translate without having to look up any words. His Rashi skills are coming along. He worries about the length of Rashis, and he tries to memorize the meaning, just in case. I try to pick interesting short Rashis, but I especially make a big deal whenever he asks a question that Rashi asks and answers. For example, when we read about 11 children of Yaakov that crossed Yabbok, he asked me: Yaakov had 12 children, what happened to Dina? At that point, he did not mind reading the whole Rashi with the whole explanation. I keep hoping that slowly but surely his skills will improve and his confidence to "get it" will increase.
I spent a large chunk of the year fretting about boys not doing mishnayot. We never got a teacher for 11 yo, and the program that I tried ordering for the boys took forever to arrive only for me to realize that it is not usable without teacher materials, and teacher materials are costly and require preparation. So I did what I did best: fretted and fumed, worried and harassed 11 yo ( and my long-suffering husband) to do something! Finally, one Friday night, after refusing to go to shul, I said that 11 yo has to read something meaningful instead of another Percy Jackson-like fantasy. He opened Illustrated Mishna Shabbos, and read the whole thing! I am pretty sure that he did in a few days what usually takes months. No, he did not read it all in Hebrew. and he definitely would have gotten more out with a teacher, but, judging by his little quotes here and there, he read enough of what interested him.
Additionally, I went online looking for some sort of mishna yomi program, maybe something that would e-mail a daily mishna with some explanation. I stumbled across these mishnayot. The boys each picked an area and are reading and listening to two mishnayot a day. 11 yo picked Avodah Zarah, with a detour to Megillah in honor of Purim. 9 yo picked Sanhedrin, no doubt influenced by his brother. This is not what I had in mind, but I am learning to be flexible and accepting that children will pick what works for them.
9 yo is doing Lashon HaTorah, Workbook ד. He is having hard time with it, even though I see an improvement in his skills when it comes to chumash. 11 yo is doing Rosetta Stone, We had a glitch where our house computer died and he lost a lot of his progress. He is not in the rush to finish, but I see him trying to strike up conversations in Hebrew. Unfortunately, my Hebrew is not that good, and his siblings do not understand what he is saying, so it is not going anywhere. I am still waiting for those Israelis to enter our life and make my kids fluent...
I wanted to do Megillah Esther, but I don't think I have it in me this year. The boys read over the Youth Megillah and The Children of Shushan Fight Haman. Neither boy is enthusiastic about reading and translating. 11 yo halfheartedly suggested listening to baal koreh and following in English in Stone chumash. Megillah will have to wait another year.
What about halacha, minchagim, Jewish history? I definitely unschool those. I have Sand and Stars, and after a visit from another homeschool family, I pulled them out and 11 yo read them on his own. 9 yo might have glanced inside, or he might not have. The boys are welcome to attend shiurim in our shul, and they come and go as they please.I do not know how much they get out, but they will pipe up once in a while, so something somewhere is trickling in.
The secular subject update will have to happen at some later point.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
an update on actual homeschooling (sort of)
I have been meaning to write this update for over a month, but every night something or other comes up. Or nothing comes up: I'm just dead tired, spent, and in no shape to blog. So tonight I decided to push myself and write a long-overdue update.
This year 6 yo old (she turned six a month ago) and 2 yo went to preschool while the boys stayed home. Now, evaluating it, that was not such a good decision. I was hoping to buy more time to do schoolwork with older boys, a chance to set the schedule for the baby (who is almost 10 months), and letting 6 yo play with her peers and socialize. I was also hoping that 2 yo would color on some surfaces that are not my walls.
What I got was a very different scenario. The school is twenty minutes away without traffic. I spend an hour in the afternoon picking up the kids. I have to either wake the baby up and take her with me, or stall her nap and let her nap on the way there. Also, this afternoon carpool breaks up the day. I cannot plan any activities with the boys, or attend any events that would interfere with pick-up. Bye-bye, homeschool days at the History Center, or the zoo!
In the mornings we are doing taekwondo three days a week. I attend on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the boys go an additional time on Mondays. Then, on Mondays. I pick them up and drop off 9 yo at his violin lesson. While he is there, I have exactly 30 minutes with 11 yo and the baby to run errands. I often pick up groceries in Kroger or Target, but I have to be super-focused. I cannot dawdle, I cannot look around, and the list has to be bare necessities. When the weather was warmer, or when the younger two had off from school, I took them to the park, but it took too long to unload and load. A few times I brought 11 yo yo Barnes and Noble. If 9 yo was not so committed to the violin, I would have ended this madness a long time ago.
After the violin lesson, we go home, have lunch, I feed the baby and, before I know it, it is time for the afternoon pick-up.
On the days that I do taekwondo, I nap the baby at 8:30 am. She gets up ridiculously early, so she is actually sleepy at that time. Then I try to get chumash done with at least one of the boys by 9:15, when I have to change, grab the baby, nurse her, and drive to the babysitter on the way to taekwondo. I am enjoying the classes and the workout. (I am actually testing for my next stripe tomorrow!) But I am not enjoying the hassle that it is all producing. Also, going twice a week is not enough of a workout, or reinforcement for me. This cobwebby brain needs many repetitions until the information sinks in. I really should be going another time, one night a week, but it is so hard to find a night that my husband is home and I am not dead tired.
On Wednesdays, we are taking classes with the same coop that we have been a part of for the past five years. That is my bright spot, and it is such a relief! The boys love their classes, and now we stay and hang out for park day immediately afterward. I used to rush kids home, with somebody always needing a nap, and hoping to squeeze in some schoolwork. This year, since the classes are over by 12:30, and I have to leave at 2pm, I might as well let my kids hang out while I get a chance to have a conversation with other moms.
This is the first year that I am starting to be concerned about boys' socialization, It is looking more like "kids locked in the dungeon not interacting" scenario. It is not on purpose, but we seem unable to squeeze in any activities into the schedule. I wish there would be afternoon play dates that my kids could spontaneously arrange and attend on their own, but there are no kids on our block. There are two houses for sale, though. I am fantasizing about a family with kids moving in. I do not care whether they are frum or not. I do not care whether they homeschool or not. I just need them to have kids who would want to interact with mine.
On the school end of things, it is not so peachy either. 2 yo seems to be fine while in school, listening, participating, being sweet. His teachers are gushing about him. But his nap got completely messed up and he went from napping for at least two hours to just one, and then being woken up for me to pick him up. He is often cranky and moody when I get him, and he does not feel better when we get home, Moreover, his whole personality changed: he used to be sunshiney and very secure, but now he's demanding and clingy. He wants me, he wants to sit on me, he wants my attention. He wants to make up for all those hours that we are apart. I see from the photos that his school supplies in abundance that he is comfortable in the classroom. Yet, he still wants mommy, and home. Looking back, now I can say that sending him to school so young was a mistake. Kids at this age need the security of their parents, of their family, more than any educational activity that they would get even in an excellent preschool. From another side, he does not get all that experiential learning that I did with the other older kids: the zoo, the library, the museums, the grocery store. He really just goes to school and then home. I am quite sad about this, and I am definitely planning on keeping him home next year.
As far as my daughter is concerned, I also see changes. She just turned six. And she is still not reading. Now, I am not worried about a newly-minted six-year-old not reading, I am worried about this particular child not reading. As long-time readers of my blog might recall, this child knew her letters very early on, and was very motivated to learn and try things. She was on the cusp of reading a year ago. Now she will come home with all these worksheets that she did in school. but she does not want to go over them. She is supposedly finishing BOB books in school, but I see her make mistakes in any reading that I ask her to do. She also decided that she is bad at reading, and she does not want to do it. I do not see her persevere. Most days, she comes home and asks almost immediately for her computer time. I don't always give it to her right away, but often it is late in the afternoon. I am tired. I still have to make dinner. 2 yo wants my attention. 6 yo has not watched anything the whole day, so why not? Yet this is the girl who wanted to do projects all the time. What is happening to my child? Is she burning out at the ripe old age of 6?
I would love to bring her home next year, too. But I know what craziness it is to juggle all the naps and schedules, to deal with all the workload, and feed everyone. It can only happen if I get some sort of help...
I'll get to the boys' achievements next time, I guess.
This year 6 yo old (she turned six a month ago) and 2 yo went to preschool while the boys stayed home. Now, evaluating it, that was not such a good decision. I was hoping to buy more time to do schoolwork with older boys, a chance to set the schedule for the baby (who is almost 10 months), and letting 6 yo play with her peers and socialize. I was also hoping that 2 yo would color on some surfaces that are not my walls.
What I got was a very different scenario. The school is twenty minutes away without traffic. I spend an hour in the afternoon picking up the kids. I have to either wake the baby up and take her with me, or stall her nap and let her nap on the way there. Also, this afternoon carpool breaks up the day. I cannot plan any activities with the boys, or attend any events that would interfere with pick-up. Bye-bye, homeschool days at the History Center, or the zoo!
In the mornings we are doing taekwondo three days a week. I attend on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the boys go an additional time on Mondays. Then, on Mondays. I pick them up and drop off 9 yo at his violin lesson. While he is there, I have exactly 30 minutes with 11 yo and the baby to run errands. I often pick up groceries in Kroger or Target, but I have to be super-focused. I cannot dawdle, I cannot look around, and the list has to be bare necessities. When the weather was warmer, or when the younger two had off from school, I took them to the park, but it took too long to unload and load. A few times I brought 11 yo yo Barnes and Noble. If 9 yo was not so committed to the violin, I would have ended this madness a long time ago.
After the violin lesson, we go home, have lunch, I feed the baby and, before I know it, it is time for the afternoon pick-up.
On the days that I do taekwondo, I nap the baby at 8:30 am. She gets up ridiculously early, so she is actually sleepy at that time. Then I try to get chumash done with at least one of the boys by 9:15, when I have to change, grab the baby, nurse her, and drive to the babysitter on the way to taekwondo. I am enjoying the classes and the workout. (I am actually testing for my next stripe tomorrow!) But I am not enjoying the hassle that it is all producing. Also, going twice a week is not enough of a workout, or reinforcement for me. This cobwebby brain needs many repetitions until the information sinks in. I really should be going another time, one night a week, but it is so hard to find a night that my husband is home and I am not dead tired.
On Wednesdays, we are taking classes with the same coop that we have been a part of for the past five years. That is my bright spot, and it is such a relief! The boys love their classes, and now we stay and hang out for park day immediately afterward. I used to rush kids home, with somebody always needing a nap, and hoping to squeeze in some schoolwork. This year, since the classes are over by 12:30, and I have to leave at 2pm, I might as well let my kids hang out while I get a chance to have a conversation with other moms.
This is the first year that I am starting to be concerned about boys' socialization, It is looking more like "kids locked in the dungeon not interacting" scenario. It is not on purpose, but we seem unable to squeeze in any activities into the schedule. I wish there would be afternoon play dates that my kids could spontaneously arrange and attend on their own, but there are no kids on our block. There are two houses for sale, though. I am fantasizing about a family with kids moving in. I do not care whether they are frum or not. I do not care whether they homeschool or not. I just need them to have kids who would want to interact with mine.
On the school end of things, it is not so peachy either. 2 yo seems to be fine while in school, listening, participating, being sweet. His teachers are gushing about him. But his nap got completely messed up and he went from napping for at least two hours to just one, and then being woken up for me to pick him up. He is often cranky and moody when I get him, and he does not feel better when we get home, Moreover, his whole personality changed: he used to be sunshiney and very secure, but now he's demanding and clingy. He wants me, he wants to sit on me, he wants my attention. He wants to make up for all those hours that we are apart. I see from the photos that his school supplies in abundance that he is comfortable in the classroom. Yet, he still wants mommy, and home. Looking back, now I can say that sending him to school so young was a mistake. Kids at this age need the security of their parents, of their family, more than any educational activity that they would get even in an excellent preschool. From another side, he does not get all that experiential learning that I did with the other older kids: the zoo, the library, the museums, the grocery store. He really just goes to school and then home. I am quite sad about this, and I am definitely planning on keeping him home next year.
As far as my daughter is concerned, I also see changes. She just turned six. And she is still not reading. Now, I am not worried about a newly-minted six-year-old not reading, I am worried about this particular child not reading. As long-time readers of my blog might recall, this child knew her letters very early on, and was very motivated to learn and try things. She was on the cusp of reading a year ago. Now she will come home with all these worksheets that she did in school. but she does not want to go over them. She is supposedly finishing BOB books in school, but I see her make mistakes in any reading that I ask her to do. She also decided that she is bad at reading, and she does not want to do it. I do not see her persevere. Most days, she comes home and asks almost immediately for her computer time. I don't always give it to her right away, but often it is late in the afternoon. I am tired. I still have to make dinner. 2 yo wants my attention. 6 yo has not watched anything the whole day, so why not? Yet this is the girl who wanted to do projects all the time. What is happening to my child? Is she burning out at the ripe old age of 6?
I would love to bring her home next year, too. But I know what craziness it is to juggle all the naps and schedules, to deal with all the workload, and feed everyone. It can only happen if I get some sort of help...
I'll get to the boys' achievements next time, I guess.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Do you need help?
-Do you need help?
-No.
-C'mon, nobody does it alone. Why don't you loosen up, let others help you? All your problems stem from being stuck-up and independent. If you would only learn how to accept help from outside, life would be peachy.
-------
-Do you need help?
-Yes.
-(Why doesn't she ask her family first? Can't they help her?)
-------
-Do you need help?
-Yes.
-(Ugh, I was just asking to be polite. I really don't feel like helping. Can't she take a hint?)
-------
-Do you need help?
-Yes.
-What can I do for you?
-(I don't know, look around, don't you see that I am drowning here! Take the kids for an outing, pick up those scattered toys, change the baby's diaper, read a book to them. But maybe she's asking to be polite. Don't ask for too much. Feel her out). Um, nothing. Let me think about it.
-Oh, let me know.
-------
-Do you need any help?
-Yes, can you take the kids out for me?
-You are so hard to help. I was planning on offering this, but you want that. Don't you know how hard it is for me to do this? You cannot be so demanding. You have to be grateful that I am offering to help at all. If you would only accept the help that is being given, all your problems would melt away.
-------
-Do you still need any help?
-Yes. No. Maybe. What can you do for me?
-You are not being specific enough. How am I supposed to know what it is that you need help with?
-------
(She cannot possibly need help. She is all set, married to a doctor. She must be rolling in it. She must have a crew of cleaning ladies and babysitters at the snap of her fingers. I don't want to deal with her reality.)
-------
-Do you need help?
-NO!
Monday, February 8, 2016
Foreign matter
I'm making creamy zucchini soup.
The diced zucchinis, the onions, the rice
All go in the pot.
I add in two bay leaves.
They look foreign amongst the bright green zucchini chunks.
But after simmering for a while,
They all blend in.
Yet when the soup is cooked,
Before blending,
I seek those bay leaves out
And remove them from the pot.
Though as hard as they hide,
I find them, and discard.
So are baalei teshuva,
Melding in the same pot as FFBs,
Simmering in the same juices,
Lending their unique flavor,
Indistinguishable,
Sought out,
By the shadchanim,
And removed from the pot,
Lest they contaminate
The final dish.
The diced zucchinis, the onions, the rice
All go in the pot.
I add in two bay leaves.
They look foreign amongst the bright green zucchini chunks.
But after simmering for a while,
They all blend in.
Yet when the soup is cooked,
Before blending,
I seek those bay leaves out
And remove them from the pot.
Though as hard as they hide,
I find them, and discard.
So are baalei teshuva,
Melding in the same pot as FFBs,
Simmering in the same juices,
Lending their unique flavor,
Indistinguishable,
Sought out,
By the shadchanim,
And removed from the pot,
Lest they contaminate
The final dish.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Waiting
Waiting
To grow up
To be older
To graduate high school,
and then college,
and then grad school.
Waiting
To be understood
To get married
To start a family
Waiting
For the med school to end
And then residency
And then fellowship
And then normal schedule
Waiting
For the baby to be born
To sleep through the night
To walk
and then talk
and stop tantruming
Waiting
For kids to get older
And then it will be easier
to take them places.
To eat out (when we'll have more money)
and go to Israel (when we'll have even more money).
Waiting
To organize this room
and then to make time to draw
To print out years' of photos
And call up a friend
But not now, when I need it the most.
Waiting
To be less tired
and more perky and social.
For husband to come home
To take a walk together, tomorrow.
But tomorrow he's called up,
So I'm alone, and not walking.
Waiting
To go out
But the kids are young
And babysitters are unavailable
And he does not come home till late
And where will we go anyway.
Crawl into bed,
into smartphone wonderland of spent time
Waiting
For my life to start
For the excuses to pass
For this to lift
For another stage, another day, another year, another place
Waiting
But I do not want to wake up one day
realizing that now I will live for myself,
When nobody was telling me I shouldn't live for myself all these years.
To grow up
To be older
To graduate high school,
and then college,
and then grad school.
Waiting
To be understood
To get married
To start a family
Waiting
For the med school to end
And then residency
And then fellowship
And then normal schedule
Waiting
For the baby to be born
To sleep through the night
To walk
and then talk
and stop tantruming
Waiting
For kids to get older
And then it will be easier
to take them places.
To eat out (when we'll have more money)
and go to Israel (when we'll have even more money).
Waiting
To organize this room
and then to make time to draw
To print out years' of photos
And call up a friend
But not now, when I need it the most.
Waiting
To be less tired
and more perky and social.
For husband to come home
To take a walk together, tomorrow.
But tomorrow he's called up,
So I'm alone, and not walking.
Waiting
To go out
But the kids are young
And babysitters are unavailable
And he does not come home till late
And where will we go anyway.
Crawl into bed,
into smartphone wonderland of spent time
Waiting
For my life to start
For the excuses to pass
For this to lift
For another stage, another day, another year, another place
Waiting
But I do not want to wake up one day
realizing that now I will live for myself,
When nobody was telling me I shouldn't live for myself all these years.
Monday, January 18, 2016
how to have a nice day
I was going to write up a nice long blog post, but the time went to watching Madagascar 3 in Hebrew with the kids. They have seen it many times, I have never seen it. We turned on English subtitles, and everyone was happy.
There is no day that cannot be turned around with hot chocolate, outdoor time, tacos for dinner, and a movie night. On the day when everything seems to crash and burn, remember that. On the day when there is no time, remember that pleasantness at home might be more important than hammering in one more long division problem or squeezing in one more pasuk.
There is no day that cannot be turned around with hot chocolate, outdoor time, tacos for dinner, and a movie night. On the day when everything seems to crash and burn, remember that. On the day when there is no time, remember that pleasantness at home might be more important than hammering in one more long division problem or squeezing in one more pasuk.
 |
| Spider web trampouline |
 |
| Taco creation |
 |
| "Who wants Starbucks?" |
 |
| Notice the cucumber moai |
Thursday, January 7, 2016
living with Eeyore
In the past I have seen this being shared:
People love it, because it validates feelings. It makes them feel good about someone out there, who knows how to love. Usually, people who love it are not the ones living with Eeyore.
Let me tell you what it's like living with a child with anxiety.
Today we ended up in a crisis mode. I had just the boys, we went to taekwondo, the schedule was written in advance (no unexpected surprises), and I wanted to get chumash done while the baby was napping. I asked 9 yo to go first. He sat on the couch, pulled out his chumash, my chumash, opened to the right spot, read the pesukim that we did yesterday, and did not remember a whole bunch of words. Since this was the second time around, and I mildly suggested that he write them down yesterday, I insisted that the write them down today and I will even tell him what they mean.
He got the paper, wrote down one word, I gave him the translation, he stumbled over the next word, I told him that he should know it, and he got teary-eyed. "I cannot do chumash. I will never be able to do chumash. I just want to know it. I should not be alive. I do not belong in this family. I do not want to live." Not the first time, not the last. I calmly said that I'm very glad that he's alive, I love having him in the family, and I'm sorry that chumash is giving him such hard time. It was almost lunchtime, so when he ranted that he's hungry, I said that we'll have lunch first. While I was warming up his noodles, 11 yo came in. 9 yo was still sad, still raving. They spoke and I overheard 11 yo telling his brother that since he's already alive, he might as well enjoy it.
Then 11 yo came to me. He actually told me that he's upset. He was worried that his brother is suicidal and sad over not being able to do schoolwork. There were tears in his eyes. The boy was sick with worry. He told me that he can't eat his lunch, his stomach being in knots. 9 yo calmed down, and was eating. And the baby woke up and I was nursing her. I told my older son that we are cancelling all the schoolwork for today, and if we get to chumash, so be it, and if we don't, it will be OK. I told him that 9 yo calmed down, and I don't think he's planning on killing himself. I also told him the secret: often, in order to make others feel better, we take on some of their emotions, so we end up feeling sad ourselves. His talk with his brother helped his brother, but brought him down.
Afterwards, I thought about all of this. Anxiety is invisible. Anxiety is something that is easy to dismiss, especially by those who have never experienced it. Even with my child having a diagnosis, I get " oh, but we are all anxious" thing. I have set up 9 yo's life where we can skirt over the issues that cause anxiety. I modify and flex, not to protect him, but to allow him to deal with issues obliquely. Despite all of this, once in a while, anxiety grips this child. When it is here, it grabs hold of the entire family, sucking us all in.
Anxiety is cyclical, so it is hard for me to see what causes it and whether the moods improve on their own, or due to some intervention that we do. Some time periods are particularly bad, others are so amazing, that it is easy to forget that this child has anxiety.
But this is what living with Eeyore is like: you know he will bring you down, even though you love him. And then, when your own mood it down, when your energy has been sucked out, you worry: what if this requires medication? What if you need to pursue therapy? What if he's really that depressed and will attempt that suicide that he mentions?
I do not want to share a mental health awareness ribbon. I do not want to share a deep thought about acceptance of all mental disorders. I want a pediatric mental health hotline, where a worried mother can call in and get checklist of what constitutes a real threat, and what is just talk. I want a hotline where a mother can call in and get a relief person showing up to her house to diffuse the situation (I know, they used to be called grandmothers, or aunts, or friends, but this is 21st century America). I want a safe space where we can all go to breathe and get my child evaluated. I do not want to take him to adult psych ER.
I do not want to live with Eeyore and be a martyr.
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