tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post2282287088239268664..comments2023-04-26T11:58:32.396-04:00Comments on Breathing Space: Community, where are you?breathingspacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08660982658933603531noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-22223652035299766202012-10-31T22:18:28.669-04:002012-10-31T22:18:28.669-04:00Ilana- Thank you for sharing such an honest post! ...Ilana- Thank you for sharing such an honest post! I don't think I will ever think of OBGYN's the same way again (re:digging in vagina's). We ourselves are "in towners" who often feel like "out of towners". My husband and I both grew up in Brooklyn and live here, but do find it hard to fit in. On an aside, I think we may be each other's doppelgangers: Same name, Russian decent, husbands in medicine, bloggers, and homeschoolers.... Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14663924438337695669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-42189959497935325412012-10-28T15:07:21.535-04:002012-10-28T15:07:21.535-04:00If you're ever in Brooklyn, we can host you (O...If you're ever in Brooklyn, we can host you (One homeschooler to another.)AztecQueen2000https://www.blogger.com/profile/09371826731550331938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-11383529262564060792012-10-28T07:01:01.370-04:002012-10-28T07:01:01.370-04:00Ilana, I feel your pain. I've never been an &...Ilana, I feel your pain. I've never been an "out-of-towner", but I know what it feels like to move into a community where you don't know anybody and feel like a weirdo for a long time. When I first moved to Far Rockaway I didn't know anybody. It takes time to build friendships after college. And most Mommy friendships after college are formed with the parents of your children's schoolmates, so it is doubly hard for you. I would estimate that it takes about 8 years to build real and deep friendships as an adult in a new community.<br />Regarding the spouses with weird professions, I think I have you beat on that front. It is more socially acceptable to have a husband who digs in women's vaginas for a living (as you so crudely put it) than one who is a magician (no, he's not a musician, I said magician). I have never heard of a frum community that doesn't honor and revere the local frum doctors. And give them the leeway they need on Shabbos to do what to save lives. Even in Boro Park, people understand when doctors bring phones to davening and rush out in the middle of davening when they get a call. <br />I miss you in Far Rockaway, and would love it if you moved back here. Hope things look up soon, or that you find your place somewhere else.Ayala Cohennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-72802134721751406912012-10-28T06:15:34.425-04:002012-10-28T06:15:34.425-04:00I was one of "the weirdos" who shared ev...I was one of "the weirdos" who shared every Shabbos meal with you back at Stern. I was even weirder because I had no credit card, no parents who really cared enough to even help me pay tuition (I still owe Stern some money that they absolutely refuse to pay...) and books so I also used to waitress every other week to get some extra $$ on my card. When I did get a chance to spend Shabbat with a girl who was kind enough to follow through (and I am really glad to say there were more than I could possibly handle) I was treated like a queen... I still felt like an outsider though. I wasn't rich or fancy or like-minded but it was OK, I had friends who were there for me and kept me going. As part of the "foreigners" we stuck together, we helped each other out and made it a point to make fun of the typical New Yorker JAP. I loved it! In Israel, I feel the same way though I know the language and the mentality, life just has it way of pulling people apart. Lucky for us, my husband isn't shy and knows how to get an invite every once in a while, but the truth of the matter is unless you make some noise, no one really hears you and this is an international reality as unfortunate as it may be. The way we handle things is to have guests over but that's no easy task either... My point is, it's like that everywhere and my conclusions are: 1- Once married and out of college people will never be close again. 2- Don't look for a Community, look for those who want to be your friends no matter where you go. 3- Everyone is weird in their own way and that's Ok, you've got nothing to be ashamed of, so own it because you deserve it! 4- If the Russians "get you" better than the Anglos because they have more in common with you, there is nothing wrong with sticking together... 5- Do not let anyone feel bad about how you choose to raise your kids or what your occupation is. 6- Your husband is a man who does Mesirut Nefesh so new souls could safely be birthed into the world, women should know better than criticize that! 7- Hashem sees all and though you may feel like a 'Nebach' at times, you have made all the right choices and right choices are HARD! 8- Remember that some people (like me) get you and that you are not worth any less than anyone else. Esther Avinoamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-34166008408344027422012-10-28T01:07:43.703-04:002012-10-28T01:07:43.703-04:00Come spend a shabbos in Savannah! We'd love to...Come spend a shabbos in Savannah! We'd love to have you any time. :) We're all a bunch of oddballs here. :) :) :)<br /><br />-Kerithalpidarkomamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14442064474304918715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-60622659625773178612012-10-27T23:18:59.394-04:002012-10-27T23:18:59.394-04:00Rebecca, thanks! And you did host us on a quite di...Rebecca, thanks! And you did host us on a quite difficult Shabbos. Maybe I need to keep on digging deeper and find more non-standard people. Maybe they also do not go to shul and socialize. <br />Zippy, having just driven through your neck of the woods, I am glad we are out of there, but the support through the hard times was nice. <br />Sho, Richmond is potentially on the agenda ( highschool years), but I would have hard time with split loyalty between homeschooling and RTA.<br />Rafi, I'll ship Akiva your way next time life gets too crazy ;-)breathingspacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08660982658933603531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-89739620923608563872012-10-27T22:58:59.980-04:002012-10-27T22:58:59.980-04:00That is very disappointing that it was so difficul...That is very disappointing that it was so difficult to find places to go for Shabbos. I wish I were better situated myself to host guests. I very much appreciate that you and your family don't fit a standard type. That is why you are awesome!Rebecca Cnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-21256030371032934922012-10-27T22:42:54.056-04:002012-10-27T22:42:54.056-04:00Ilana - we miss you!! Come back?Ilana - we miss you!! Come back?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08639964871152414736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-82473509869797731382012-10-27T22:33:06.570-04:002012-10-27T22:33:06.570-04:00So sorry to hear Ilana, especially when it sounds ...So sorry to hear Ilana, especially when it sounds from your status updates like you do try very hard to be involved and have a significant place in the community. I thought your community was known for being very open (I was even contemplating it as a future place to relocate to) but all those things would bother me as well. Maybe Richmond is the most accepting place?!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02436628249238667589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330094970861530581.post-37204411600457158112012-10-27T22:26:31.395-04:002012-10-27T22:26:31.395-04:00Come to Cherry Hill we'll have you guys for Sh...Come to Cherry Hill we'll have you guys for Shabbat anytime. :) <br /><br />-Rafi + TovahRafihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13370636307930198653noreply@blogger.com